Doomed Movieblog

Don’t Go in the House
Directed by Joseph Ellison
Released: 1980
Starring Dan Grimaldi, Robert Osth, Ruth Dardick
Running Time: 82 minutes
DVD Studio: Shriek Show

Donny works at a garbage dump operating the incinerator and lives alone with his mother. One day, he comes home to find her dead and he completely snaps. You see, when Donny was a child, his mother punished him by burning his arms on the stovetop. I hate to be judgmental but she probably should NOT have done that.

With evil mommy dead, the voices in his head take over and Donny starts picking up women so that he can burn them alive with a
flamethrower. He then dresses up the charred corpses in pretty dresses and poses them around the house. A friend from work invites him out to the disco and that’s when he really loses it.

Don’t Go in the House really caught me off guard. I was not expecting a film this trashy and grim to be made this well. The direction is tight and the cinematography is very good. The minimal soundtrack with blasts of discordant noise is perfectly suited for the film. There is also some wickedly cheesy disco thrown in for all of you who are slaves to the rhythm.

Dan Grimaldi turns in an awesome (though somewhat stiff) performance as Donny, a complete fucking nutbar. Even when someone is trying to be nice to him, it’s too late because he’s too far gone. Despite the plot’s similarities to Psycho, Grimaldi is careful not to channel Norman Bates too much. Who am I kidding? Donny is such a loser, he makes Norman Bates seem like a righteous dude.

Johnny Hamlet
AKA Quella sporca storia nel west
Directed by Enzo G. Castellari
Released: 1968
Starring Andrea Giordana, Gilbert Roland, Horst Frank
Running Time: 91 minutes
Region 2 PAL
DVD Studio: Koch Media (Germany)

Holy crap. I’ve watched a few spaghetti westerns in my time but few of them were as strange as Johnny Hamlet. This is Shakespeare’s classic play (with a scaled down plot) given the Old West treatment as only the Italians can do with rollicking fistfights and lightning fast shootouts. Johnny Hamlet is a cinematic oddity that isn’t just an interesting idea but an entertaining film as well.

The cast features Andrea Giordana as the title character and the always awesome Horst Frank (of The Grand Duel) as Claudio Hamilton, Johnny’s evil uncle. The suave Gilbert Roland plays Johnny’s friend Dazio who gets him out of more than a few close calls. Ennio Girolami of Night of the Devils and Ignazio Spalla of Adios, Sabata play two bloodthirsty thugs working for Claudio.

Director Enzo G. Castellari (The Big Racket, Keoma) brings us a film that is both surreal and beautiful. The cinematography by Angelo Filippini is colorful and sharp and the soundtrack by Alessandro Alessandroni, Francesco De Masi, and Audrey Nohra is grandiose and melodramatic. I can’t help but recommend this one for spaghetti western enthusiasts. While Johnny Hamlet was marketed as another Django sequel (with Andrea Giordana done up in Franco Nero-like makeup), this is a very unique flick and worth a look.

Scream Bloody Murder
AKA Claw of Terror, The Captive Female
Directed by Marc B. Ray
Released: 1973
Starring Fred Holbert, Leigh Mitchell, Robert Knox
Running Time: 90 minutes

Matthew runs over his pappy with a tractor then accidentally runs over his own arm. After he grows up and is released from the nuthouse, Matthew (with a shiny claw where his hand used to be) comes home to find his mother remarried. After seeing his mom making out with her new husband, Matthew goes into a murderous rage and kills them both. He then skips town and kills anyone that reminds him of his mom and stepfather. Things go from bad to worse when Matthew falls in love with and kidnaps Vera, a hippie artist and prostitute.

Scream Bloody Murder is a completely entertaining cheesefest loaded with melodramatic music, trite psychology, and corny dialogue. The kill scenes are cheap but bloody and creatively staged. Both the camerawork and the lighting are professional but the shrill acting and rudimentary direction keep Scream Bloody Murder’s feet rooted firmly to the ground. The film tries to be menacing (and it definitely has a mean streak) but it’s so campy and contrived that most of it comes off like a comedy. Matthew’s wild hallucinations of his undead victims taunting him are especially awesome.

The Boxer’s Omen
Directed By Chih-Hung Kwei
Released: 1983
Starring: Wang Lung-Wei, Kao Fei, Bolo Yeung
Running Time: 104 minutes
DVD Studio: Image Entertainment

In order to get revenge for his brother who was paralyzed for life in a boxing match, Hung Chan travels to Thailand to challenge the man responsible. While there, he sees a Buddhist temple that he saw in a dream and finds out that he is linked to a monk who recently died under mysterious and supernatural circumstances. Because he and Hung were twin brothers in a previous life, he is spiritually linked with the monk. The evil wizard’s curse that killed the monk will also destroy Hung if he doesn’t become a monk himself and fight for his life.

The Boxer’s Omen ranks near the top of my list of the most disgusting horror films I’ve ever seen. Imagine the putridity of Hideshi Hino’s Mermaid In A Manhole stretched out for 100 minutes. After Hung pukes up a live eel, I knew this was going to get funky. The awkwardness of the gore effects just don’t take the nauseous edge off when the filmmakers are trying so dang hard to disgust their audience. Visine won’t help when maggots shoot out of your eyes.

As far as animal violence goes, a couple of unlucky chickens, the aforementioned eel (who gets flushed down the toilet!), and thousands of insects have a tough time in the film. All of the other animals are thankfully (though ludicrously) fake. Some crocodiles get harassed but not too traumatizing. If you can’t spot the fake when the evil magicians use a huge rubbery croc to perform their most insane spell then you need to have your eyes checked.

But did I enjoy it? Hell yeah! The whole of the movie is a series of one “I can’t believe what I’m seeing” moment after another. The beauty of the locations, lighting, camerawork, and atmosphere are perfectly juxtaposed with the vomitous splatter effects. The dialogue and the situations are completely crazy. The logic of the movie is like a really nasty horror comic book come to life so it’s perfect for horror fans who don’t give a damn about concretely designed plots or believability. There is also a mountain of superstitious and religious craziness on hand to make this a very unique film experience for Western viewers.

P.S. Special thanks to my wife for bravely sitting through this with me.

The Beast Within
Directed by Philippe Mora
Released: 1982
Running Time: 98 minutes
Starring: Ronny Cox, Bibi Besch, Paul Clemens

Paul Clemens is hella creepy as Michael MacCleary, the product of a vicious rape by an unknown beast 17 years ago. His parents, played by Ronny Cox (Robocop) and Bibi Besch, never spoke of the terrible incident but when Michael becomes terribly ill they go back to the shithole town where it all began. Though he is sick and going through a frightening transformation, Michael returns to the town as well; hoping to discover the truth behind his origins. A gruesome conspiracy is uncovered and all kinds of violent monstery goodness takes place.

Holy shit! The Beast Within is a friggin’ riot! Revisiting this film after not having seen it for about two decades proved to be a blast. This film is loaded with a malevolent atmosphere, great Southern locations, wacky creature effects, and wall to wall splatter. The Beast Within only really fails once more and more of the plot is revealed. If you don’t care why these events are happening (I know I don’t!) then this won’t bother you much. The movie’s tone changes from creepy to uncomfortable thanks to a couple of brief monster-rape scenes. This is some seriously irresponsible entertainment here, kids. Watch it with someone you love.

The lovely German poster.

Gehrayee
Directed By Vikas Desai and Aruna Raje
Released: 1980
Starring: Shreeram Lagoo, Anant Nag, Indrani Mukherjee, and Padmini Kolhapure
Running Time: 129 minutes

When his daughter, Umakka, is possessed by a malevolent ghost, Mr. Chennabassapa sends her to shock treatment. The rest of the family, his wife Saroja and headstrong son Nandu, do not agree with this decision and want to send her to a holy man to free her from the evil spirit. When it turns out that the spirit is connected with a horrible sin committed in Chennabassapa’s past, the family deteriorates completely. Nandu becomes even more disillusioned with his father and strikes out on his own to get to the truth behind the curse that has befallen their family.

My first taste of Indian horror came from Mondo Macabro’s Bollywood Horror double feature. These two films are brightly colored, full of action, song, and even comedy. So I was very surprised by the much more reserved and dead serious tone of Gehrayee, a film about possession and the depressing breakdown of an entire family. This is about as far from a Ramsay Brothers spectacle as you can get. This film relies on unsettling music and bizarre sound effects to convey all of its supernatural horror.

While clocking in at over 2 hours long, I was surprised that such a complicated plot could stay so intriguing. There is lots of melodrama and crying set to the tune of some soap opera violin but very little in the way of outright horror. The film obviously had a very small budget but all of the actors are competent. The ending, though it leaves a lot of questions unanswered, is quite haunting and wildly depressing. When all the food in your kitchen magically turns to dung, there might just be a curse on your domicile.

“I’m going to sneer at you.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“I’m so sneering at you.”

The Dracula Saga
Directed By León Klimovsky
Released: 1972
Starring: Tina Sáinz, Tony Isbert, Helga Liné, and Narciso Ibáñez Menta
Running Time: 90 minutes
DVD Studio: BCI Eclipse

Pregnant Berta (played by Tina Sáinz) and her husband Hans (Tony Isbert) travel to Castle Dracula to visit her grandfather and family. Unfortunately, her entire family and servants are vampires and Hans quickly succumbs to the vampire ladies’ charms. They leave Berta unharmed because her grandfather, Count Dracula (Narciso Ibáñez Menta), believes the child is the next in line to inherit the Dracula family bloodline. As the birth of her child approaches and she is subjected to horrors beyond imagination, Berta begins to lose her mind. If you guessed that this ain’t gonna end happily or prettily, you’re dead right. Yeah.

Spanish horror badass Klimovsky (The Werewolf Shadow, The Vampires’ Night Orgy) does his best homage to Hammer Studios but instills his vampire film with some really bizarre visuals and unique twists. In addition to Dracula and his vampire women, there are also two monsters that are so outrageous they just work. The first is a bat-headed man seen in a dream sequence and the other is an unsettling little creature that is the product of vampire inbreeding. The film’s plot is very strange and takes some ridiculous detours but it also has some lulls where things start to drag.

The soundtrack sounds like a collection of warbled library music tracks that doesn’t really work all that well. It’s strange but I think the film really deserved a totally unique soundtrack and a more attentive composer. Music aside, the rest of the production is awesome. The cinematography rocks, the lighting is perfect, the castle is beautiful, and the period sets are lush. Acting wise, the cast is perfect for this flick. The painfully blonde Tony Isbert (of Riccardo Freda’s Tragic Ceremony (made the same year)) is perhaps a little too aloof but I like the guy. The rapturously sexy Helga Liné is on hand as Munia, Dracula’s bride. And the gray and bearded actor, Narciso Ibáñez Menta, makes a very stately Dracula.

However, the show is stolen by the versatile Tina Sáinz. Thanks to her awesome performance, the slower parts of the film don’t get too dull. Watching Berta becoming more and more haunted by returning to her family home is really one of the best aspects of the film. When her madness finally leads her to grab an axe and take care of business, I just about stood up and cheered in my living room. I won’t give you the specific details of the climax of The Dracula Saga but let’s just say it’s totally perfect and helps me forgive the meandering of the plot.

The trailer:

Fair Game
AKA Desolation Angels
Directed By Christopher Fitchett
Released: 1982
Starring: Kim Trengove, Kerry Mack, Marie O’Loughlin, and Karen West
Running Time: 88 minutes

This unfairly obscure Australian thriller is equal parts highway terror and home invasion. Three teenage girls take off for a weekend to a resort town in its off season but they’re good times are interrupted by a group of murderous psychos. A fight to the death ensues between the girls and the psychos. (Why did that take two sentences?) Released as Desolation Angels in its home country, Fair Game is not to be confused with the similarly-titled Aussie film released in 1986 (which I’m eager to see as well).

An excellent cast, a strong sense of foreboding, a cool synthesizer soundtrack, and some very fluid camerawork all help to make Fair Game a fine little film. The only missteps are some day for night nonsense and the song “My Baby” by Cold Chisel showing up in the soundtrack. The director knows how to build a fine amount of tension and luckily, it all pays off handsomely in a violent (though not particularly gory) climax. According to this film, Australia is a weird and horrid place. No one should ever go there.

She should have gone walkabout.

Were HOTBOD and PLAYA1 already taken?

Fear the New Wave.

Here is Australia’s own Cold Chisel performing “My Baby”:

Panic
AKA Bakterion
Directed By Tonino Ricci
Released: 1982
Starring: David Warbeck, Janet Argen
Running Time: 90 minutes
DVD Studio: Mill Creek

A scientist experimenting on rats gets turned into a murderous monster for some reason and it’s up to his lab assistant Jane (Janet Argen) and a police captain (David Warbeck) to stop him. Or something like that. I was confused as to whether or not the guy is contagious. The government is bent on destroying the city if Captain Kirk (that’s Warbeck’s character by the way) doesn’t stop the mutated scientist in time, so maybe he was contagious. Although, all our monster really does in the movie is drink blood, melt skin, and molest women to death.

It’s great to see David Warbeck of The Beyond kicks some ass (as usual) in a thankless role in a pitiful movie. Speaking of thankless roles, Swedish beauty Janet Argen, of City Of The Living Dead and Eaten Alive, is particularly stiff and confused in this film but it’s still nice to see her. Direction and photography are both very dull though there are a couple of decent shots scattered throughout the movie. This is all topped off with redundant dialogue, a confusing and pathetic plot, and Ed Woodian moments such as when the government talks about resorting to “Plan Q”.

Panic is only for the most desperate of Eurohorror fans and even they will be disappointed. Supposedly filmed in 1976 and then shelved until 1982; either way, this film is a real snoozer. Sadly, the Mill Creek DVD has all the nude scenes cut out so the film could be potentially spicier in an uncut form. But fortunately, it looks like the gore is intact but don’t expect anything really remarkable. There’s some goopiness and a lot of blood but not enough for gorehounds to go out of their way for. Panic truly is one of the most pitiful Italian horror films I’ve ever seen.

A dubbed David Warbeck is still David Warbeck.

Janet Argen is feathered.

Eww! Can we get a closer look at that?

Eww! Thanks.

Whoa, haunting. How the hell am I gonna sleep tonight?

Xtro
Directed By Harry Bromley Davenport
Released: 1983
Starring: Philip Sayer, Bernice Stegers, Danny Brainin, and Maryam d’Abo
Running Time: 84 minutes

Director Davenport’s Xtro is an excessively goopy film filled with outrageous and inventive makeup effects and relentlessly nasty gore setpieces. The film also sports some great photography and superb lighting. The simple plot of a father returning years after being abducted by aliens to take his son back with him to his new home planet is helped by the total absurdity of the many dreamlike scenes that never stop coming. When young Tony’s toys start coming to life to carry out his every horrific whim, you know you’re in for a very weird treat.

The cast is quite good with the exception of Danny Brainin who plays Rachel’s new man. The guy is just really awkward, dull, unconvincing, and doesn’t hold a candle to the two leads, (the late) Philip Sayer and Bernice Stegers (of Lamberto Bava’s Macabre). Even Tony, played by 10 year old, Simon Nash, puts in a good and creepy performance. Another fine performer is the guy in the alien costume. The creative and clever makeup accentuates this actor’s unique frame and bizarre movements perfectly.

Okay, how in the hell did I miss this trippy flick until now? You’d think that my prolific VHS renting back in the day would have lead to me to Xtro. But no, the video stores that I frequented (Video-X-Tron, in particular) didn’t have this wacked out flick on their shelves. I was reading this issue of Fangoria with Xtro on the cover recently and I knew it was time to check it out. I recommend this film to any horror fan who can’t let go of the 1980s and wants something really gross to pass the time. The campy matte effects and a lame synth score (by the director himself!) can’t slow this one down.