Directed By Chris Seaver
Starring: Chris Seaver, Casey Bowker, Ariauna Albright, and Jason McCall
Running Time: 71 minutes
DVD Studio: Tempe DVD
Dracula, The Wolfman, and Funkenstein team up to take over the world by creating an army of sexy lady vampires (and some dudes too). Itís up to Mr. Bonejack and Teen Ape of the PIA (Paranormal Investigation Agency) to stop them. But theyíre going to need help and the new PIA recruit, Brandy Kaufman, and a gang of teenage monster slayers are all Bonejack and Teen Ape have got. The battle quickly escalates when itís discovered that Brandy wears an amulet around her neck that may make Dracula unstoppable.
Chris Seaver and company, the sickos behind Carnage For The Destroyer and Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker! are back with more offensive fun in Destruction Kings. The found sets and the cheap makeup effects instantly betray this filmís indie origins but a group of dedicated actors and a nutty script save this one from being another stale horror flick. Portly strippers with limitless cleavage, cheesy monster-destroying gadgets, inept paranormal investigators, and vampire vagina are just a few of the things that keep this flick far away from the run-of-the-mill independent production.
The director himself plays Mr. Bonejack, a cross between Don King and John Witherspoon who calls upon the spirit (?) of Bill Cosby when heís in peril. Teen Ape returns once again to mack on all the ladies and help save the world with as little effort as possible. Brad Austin plays Dracula whose monologues and one-liners never manage to impress his foes (or his comrades). Of course, the show is stolen by Funkenstein (Jason McCall) a creature that is probably what would happen if Victor Frankenstein had used Biz Markie as spare parts to create his monster.
Travis Indovina plays Eddie the wolfman with some serious intestinal and facial hair related issues. Sexy scream queen Ariauna Albright (Polymorph, Witchouse) plays Brandy Kaufman, the badass PIA rookie with some serious skills at defeating vampires and keeping Teen Ape at bay. In a nod to Monster Squad, there is a trio of wannabe monster fighters consisting of the wildly cute and hilarious Noel Williams, the not cute but hilarious A.J. Stabone, and the equally hilarious and numchucking and also not cute Shawn Green. Sorry, dudes.
Well, I canít list every great character and awesome actor in this flick without writing a novel so Iíll wrap things up. Low Budget Productions continues to please with their unwillingness to make a serious film and their constant need to make viewers shake their heads while bemusedly saying: "Thatís just wrong." Looking for cheap fun from a crew with a knack for filthy and funny dialogue while parodying horror movie nerd culture at a mile a minute? Then, my friend, Destruction Kings is for you.
Destruction Kings looks and sounds great on this disc. There are a couple of dark scenes which are probably due to the source material but otherwise, the presentation is all good. The extras are quite nice with an audio commentary by Chris Seaver and Casey Bowker, a photo montage, an outtakes reel, and a couple Splatter Rampage DVD trailers. A great feature on the disc is "Debbie Rochon: 25 Years With LBP (Low Budget Productions)" which features movie clips, members of the cast talking about working with the scream queen, and it also features words from Rochon herself. Good stuff.