Reviews

Les Démoniaques (1974)

The film opens with a brief description of the wreckers, a group of pirates who, instead of cruising the seas to plunder, light fires on the beaches to lead passing ships into the rocks and then loot the wreckage. This particular group of wreckers is led by The Captain (John Rico) and is a particularly nasty and bloodthirsty bunch. While they are looting a wreck one night, two survivors (Lieva Lone and Patricia Hermenier) are washed ashore. Upon discovering them, the wreckers proceed to rape and assault the girls then leave them for dead. The two girls make their way to an abandoned cathedral where a swarthy demon is kept prisoner by a clown (Mireille Dargent) and a hippie. They make a deal with the demon in order to get their revenge on the wreckers.

Jean Rollin (Requiem for a Vampire, Grapes Of Death) directs this very weird yet visually stunning tale of pirates, a demon, the undead, psychic powers, and a clown. The soundtrack is composed of jazz and what sounds like stock horror movie music. Jean-Jacques Renon’s cinematography is gorgeous and he makes excellent use of the haunting locations. The already modest pacing of the film is hindered by some softcore sex moments but never slows to a crawl like some of Rollin’s artier efforts.

Joëlle Coeur (Seven Women for Satan) is awesome and extremely sexy as Tina, the most psychotic and violent of the wreckers. Tina’s pursuit of the two girls is unrelenting and when she screams “I’ll bring you back their heads!” well, I’m perfectly convinced she would have, if given the chance. John Rico is great as the Captain, a man who is haunted by his past misdeeds. Paul Bisciglia (Grapes Of Death) is very cool as Paul, the drunkard of the group, whose bloody (albeit highly unlikely) fate is perfectly ironic.

The two beautiful actresses, Lieva Lone and Patricia Hermenier, play their parts mute for whatever reason. According to the film these two demoniacs lose their ability to speak after getting their powers from the demon which is funny because in most of Rollin’s films, the heroines are almost always completely silent anyway. Either way, it’s kind of silly and a shame that these two actresses didn’t do more horror films. Their performances are haunting and very well played.

Les Démoniaques is an incredible film but I have to warn viewers not accustomed to Jean Rollin to put on their patience pants. Although this is certainly easier to jump into than say Rape of the Vampire or The Shiver Of the Vampires. A better Rollin starting point for casual horror fans may be found in Grapes Of Death or The Living Dead Girl. The dreamlike quality of this one may be too much for folks looking for splatter. However, what Les Démoniaques lacks in arterial spray and squewered intestines, it delivers with frightening brutality and disturbing rape scenes. There’s also gratuitous clown makeup and a disco fab “demon” man. So, if you’re looking for some trashy Eurohorror delivered with style and an unforgettable ending, then check this one out, people.

The Cursed Medallion (1975)

Young Emily Williams (Nicoletta Elmi) has been acting very odd since her mother burned to death in a freak accident. Her father, art historian Michael Williams (Richard Johnson), believes that she is just grieving in her own way. Things begin to get worse when Michael travels with Emily and her nanny Jill (Ida Galli)to a village to film a TV show about a mysterious painting. This painting has a strange effect on his daughter. She becomes jealous of her father’s new lover, Joanna (played by Joanna Cassidy), and behaves erratically and violently as though possessed by a spirit. What’s left of the Williams family seems doomed by a centuries old curse but Michael isn’t ready to accept defeat and will fight for his daughter’s soul.

I search far and wide for imperfect gems like The Cursed Medallion. Director Massimo Dallamano (What Have You Done to Solange?) shows that he can easily direct modern gothic chillers like this one. With an emphasis on gorgeous cinematography and flawless lighting, the film is almost decadent in its richness. Throw a plot reminiscent of great gothic literature and some picturesque scenery into the mix and we’ve got something special. While far from a perfect film, I was right at home with this Italian rarity.

It’s always a pleasure to see the odd-looking Nicoletta Elmi of Bay of Blood and Profondo Rosso on the screen. Like every great Italian actress she can also push things way, way over the top. Adding some class to the proceedings is Richard Johnson of Lucio Fulci’s Zombie. Another familiar face belongs to Ida Galli (AKA Evelyn Stewart) of The Bloodstained Butterfly and Knife of Ice who plays Jill, the hapless nanny. And I really liked Russian actress Lila Kedrova as the eccentric Contessa Cappelli.

The film is quite schizophrenic with it being both subtle at times and comically obvious at others. Like most Italian horror films, The Cursed Medallion shoots itself in the foot; though only twice. First, there is a totally unconvincing visual effect when a certain character falls off the side of a cliff. Second, the film’s finale (this is not a spoiler, by the way) is kicked in the tits by the phrase “Perché?” (“Why?”) which is splashed across the screen in huge blue letters.

Since the plot involves possession (ghostly not demonic), there are just a few Exorcist-like moments but nothing in the vein of Beyond the Door or any of the other Italian films “inspired” by the William Friedkin film. This is a tragic tale of a family’s inescapable fate with a piece of prophetic art (and a medallion!) at the center of it all and that’s about it. Italian horror fans looking for atmosphere over splatter, will be very happy with The Cursed Medallion. Instead of rotting zombies and arterial spray we get ghostly dream sequences and some wildly overwrought melodrama. Some may call it boring but I call it Heaven.

“Why must destiny be so relentless?”

Crypt of the Vampire (1964)

Young women are being drained of their blood and all signs point to the Karnstein family. Count Ludwig Karnstein (Christopher Lee) enlists the help of historian Friedrich Klauss (José Campos) to explore his lineage. Klauss finds out that one of Ludwig’s ancestors was executed for witchcraft but not before she placed a curse on the family line. Ludwig’s daughter Laura (Adriana Ambesi) believes that she is possessed by the witch and is developing a taste for the red stuff.

Annette (Véra Valmont), the count’s mistress, knows that something is wrong with Laura. She is also suspicious of Laura’s new friend, Annette (Ursula Davis), who arrived under mysterious circumstances and has been at Laura’s side ever since. The family’s maid, Rowena (Nela Conjiu), thinks she’s helping the Karnstein clan with her black magic rituals but people keep dying despite her appeals to the dark lord.

Camillo Mastrocinque (who directed Barbara Steele in An Angel for Satan) delivers an effective and enjoyable though not entirely original gothic horror film. The convoluted story from prolific genre screenwriter Ernesto Gastaldi (The Whip and the Body) has its chilling moments and takes inspiration from the classic horror story Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu. The dialogue is predictable and hampered by the awkward dubbing. There is also some totally unnecessary narration which is abandoned very quickly (thanks). What Crypt of the Vampire does have going for it is good pacing and superbly eerie sets and locations.

Christopher Lee (who thankfully dubbed his own voice) is quite good in Crypt but that’s no surprise as the man rarely disappoints. I really, really liked Adriana Ambesi as Laura whose flimsy nightgown threatens to explode throughout the nighttime scenes. Her dumbass black magic schemes led by her scary maid are pretty amusing. How about next time we DON’T invoke the spirit of a witch to possess anyone, okay?

Véra Valmont, who plays Count Ludwig’s lover Annette, is very arresting. She goes all out with the terror faces and I wish that she had done more horror movies. José Campos is a little bland as Friedrich, the heroic (?) genealogist. Luckily, Lee is around to keep the appropriate levels of badass dude in a smoking jacket right where they need to be.

With its cheesy Sunday afternoon horror thrills (and some wild-eyed and voluptuous ladies), Crypt of the Vampire is a whole lot of fun. There’s melodrama, mysterious manuscripts and some gruesome business involving the severed hand of a hunchbacked beggar. This would make a terrific double feature with either Alberto De Martino’s The Blancheville Monster or the sleepy Barbara Steele vehicle: Terror Creatures from the Grave.

“I must kill you. That was my promise. I must kill you.”

The Bloodsucker Leads the Dance (1975)

It’s 1902, in Ireland, and a group of actresses are invited to stay at the castle of Count Richard Marnack (played by Giacomo Rossi-Stuart). He is especially attracted to Evelyn (Patrizia Webley) because she reminds him of his dead wife. Or maybe she’s missing. Something. Oh yeah, there’s a curse in the Marnack family bloodline where the men go crazy and cut their wives’ heads off. I think that’s what it was. Anyway, it isn’t long before members of the group start turning up with their heads cut off. Ugh, I can’t even summon up the energy to describe this bag of crap.

Man oh man, this is one busted-ass Italian cinematic nightmare. I’ve seen many gialli with weak plots, tepid scripts, awkward actors, painfully over-the-top performances, cheap gore effects, listless direction, bland sets, unimaginative lighting, lame dubbing, and a complete lack of suspense. However, all of these factors rarely occur in the SAME DANG FILM! Alfredo Rizzo, I’m calling you out! The curiously (and severely misleadingly) titled The Bloodsucker Leads The Dance is one dreary movie experience. If you can even get through the longest 89 minutes on Earth, you’ll wonder why you did.

As to why these actors ever showed up to work everyday… Well, it must be some kind of a miracle. Giacomo Rossi-Stuart of The Night Evelyn Came Out of Her Grave and Death Smiled at Murder has certainly been much better in other films. I can’t really blame him for sleepwalking through this one. Krista Nell (Night of the Devils) seems to be the only one having any fun as Cora, the slutty actress. Redhead hottie Femi Benussi (Strip Nude for Your Killer) seems utterly confounded as to the “complex” nature of her role as Sybil, the maid. Shhh, she’s got a secret love for Count Marnack! God help poor Evelyn, played by the beautiful Patrizia Webley in her film debut (ouch).

Comic relief comes from Leo Valeriano as Samuel, stagehand and manager for the actresses. No, wait. I actually have no clue what this duder’s purpose is. Anyway, this sad schmuck is ridiculed by the ladies throughout the film. They refer to him as being “half a man” (?) and never miss an opportunity to remind him that they think of him as a eunuch. As an actor, Valeriano is awful but he does manage to put some of the most bizarre and hilariously inappropriate facial expressions I’ve ever seen into his performance.

The plodding pace of Bloodsucker will destroy your happy thoughts. As for the film’s “finale”, um… no. The big reveal goes off like a wet firework. For those of you brave souls out there who insist on seeing every Italian horror movie ever made and for those that will ignore my warnings about the unfathomable suck that is The Bloodsucker Leads The Dance, here is the only reason to watch this film: sex and nudity. Oh yeah, and there a couple of really pathetic and cheap severed heads. Dang, this may just be the worst giallo ever made. Yeah, don’t watch this… unless you want to.

“The world is a stage but sometimes it isn’t.”

Beauty Queen Butcher (1991)

Poor compulsive eater Phyllis Loden (played by Rhona Brody). She is the butt of every joke in her high school. Her only friend (and fellow nerd), Paul (Matthew Speak), encourages Phyllis to pursue her dream of winning the Miss Slough Queen Pageant. Unfortunately, the chips are stacked against her as the pageant organizer, Betty Prunish (Jim Boggess), is appalled that such an unlikely contestant would dare enter her beauty pageant. Prunish encourages the cruelties of the other, more desirable contestants to get her to drop out. However, the other girls push her too far and Phyllis goes on a rampage, killing anyone who stands in way of her donning the crown of Miss Slough Queen.

Oh man, with a mean streak that is about a mile wide, Beauty Queen Butcher is a rough one. Guilt, bemusement, embarrassment, laughter, and boredom; all of these can be yours, dear viewer. This film’s biggest flaw is its nearly 2 hour running time. Economy of storytelling is not one of director/co-writer Jill Zurborg’s strongest points. While it moves along at a fairly decent pace, it takes over an hour before any (nearly gore-free) butchering takes place.

One of my favorite gags that was old even back in 1991, the unacknowledged transvestite, is alive and well here in Beauty Queen Butcher. Betty Prunish played quite ingratiatingly by Jim Boggess is quite an awful sight to behold even for the legally blind. Phyllis and Paul are well played by Rhona Brody and Matthew Speak. There is an odd concoction of self-pity, psychotic grandeur, and romantic tension happening here. Hey Paul, could you stop being such an enabler? Phyllis doesn’t need pizza or Twinkies, she needs love!

The rest of the cast is game for this strange flick. One of the things that adds to the running time are all the evil high school girls who stand in Phyllis’s way. We get to watch as she eliminates them all, one by one. All of these folks are funny but man, we need to get moving here. Actually, the only character I could have totally done without is the milk-guzzling private eye, Dick Richards.

Beauty Queen Butcher is a tongue-in-cheek and politically incorrect horror comedy if there ever was one. It is some sweet early 90s goodness that will most likely develop a bigger fan base now that it has made it to DVD. The film delivers that sickening sheen that only a shot-on-video flick can with a low budget charm that never backs down. While I’ll never be able to let the 2 hour running time bit go, I have to admit that I’ve been won over by the sad tale of Phyliss Loden. Now pass the Twinkies.

“Smooth movie, fatty!”

Black Demons (1991)

College students, Kevin (Keith Van Hoven), Jessica (Sonia Curtis), and her brother Dick (Joe Balogh), are traveling through Brazil. Dick decides to take part in a black magic ritual and he becomes cursed. The trio’s jeep breaks down and they are escorted to a villa by two friendly travelers. Dick finds a nearby gravesite containing the bodies of six murdered slaves and awakens them. The slaves rise up from the ground armed with various pointy objects and the urge to slaughter anyone who is unlucky enough to be hanging around. Maria (played by Maria Alves), the servant and resident practitioner of magic, does all she can to protect everyone from the evil that Dick has awakened.

Umberto Lenzi, is that you? From the director of Seven Bloodstained Orchids, Eyeball, and Ghosthouse, comes the unfortunately-titled Black Demons. A straightforward plot (read as only a handful of loose ends) and beautiful Brazilian locations fooled me for a moment into thinking Lenzi might just have pulled off something of a minor classic here. However, bland lighting and a forgettable soundtrack by Franco Micalizzi combined with a cast of wildly irritating actors hinder the film from being a return to the glory days of Italian horror.

Speaking of bland, Keith Van Hoven (House of Clocks) turns up as our hero, Kevin. While he’s not the worst of the lot, the guy is frighteningly dull. From the moment she opens her mouth, soap opera and sitcom actress Sonia Curtis, is unfathomably awful as Jessica. If only the producers had hired a competent voice actress to dub over Curtis’s thinly delivered lines then we’d only be stuck with her vacant stare to contend with. Then we have Philip Murray as Jose the mumbler and Juliana Texeira as “just plain” Sonia. Two annoying characters whose death scenes inspire sighs of relief, if not some cheering.

Joe Balogh (Hitcher in the Dark) actually won me over with his portrayal of Dick, Jessica’s haunted and ultimately cursed brother. The scene where he takes part in a Macumba ritual is the best directed in the movie and Balogh is definitely up to the task. Brazilian actress Maria Alves easily has the best performance in the film. I only wish her character, Maria, could have survived long enough to get us through the rest of the dang flick. Alves spends most of her screentime looking completely terrified but it works.

Oddly enough, Lenzi refers to Black Demons as his masterpiece during an interview in the book, “Spaghetti Nightmares”. Well, I just don’t know how to interpret that one. The pace of this film is drowsy at best and despite some occasionally inspired camerawork, fluid editing, cool zombie makeup, and somewhat gory (and well-staged) deaths, I don’t see how any director could interpret this as their masterpiece. While not the worst of his horror contributions, Lenzi has done much, much better. If nothing else, Black Demons is a decent little time waster.

“You know, Kevin, you really get up my nose!”

The Prople – Why Even Ask?

For their second full length album, The Prople have returned with their trademark frenetic energy and outlandish lyrics. Why Even Ask? is an improvement over both their first album Revenge and their previous Monorail Girl EP in both production quality and intricacy. A key ingredient to this album is the pummeling drums by Kari Frankenstein. The band is now a two-piece with Miss Frankenstein moving to drums while still playing bass, keyboards, and singing vocals thanks to her six arms and approximately four brains. Markky Karloff’s constantly evolving guitars are as resolute and as gigantic as usual and his vocals have been known to open vortexes in concrete all over the city.

Before I continue, I have to mention a pair of truly bizarre songs on Why Even Ask? and I mean bizarre even by The Prople’s standards. As if multiple songs about Disney World and Epcot Center (“Spaceship Death”, “Escape from the Utilidors”, and “Murder at Club 33” respectively) on the same album wasn’t strange enough. First up is the brilliantly broken “Amazing Grace ‘78” which fans of a certain sequel in the Halloween franchise should recognize immediately. Next is “Son of Blattella”, a stylistic departure for the band that goes through so many changes and styles in the same song that it’s reminiscent of the ultimate schizophrenic rock band, Mr. Bungle. This song also has a cameo by the ghost of our good friend, Nafa Fa’alogo!

In order to appear as a completely objective and professional music reviewer, I’d be remiss not to mention my involvement with Why Even Ask?. Recently, Markky Karloff forced me into a little room and left me there for days with only a pile of horror movies to keep me company. It wasn’t long before I completely lost my mind. As I descended into a gibbering mass on the floor, he surreptitiously recorded my ramblings and mixed them into a new version of the classic Prople song called “Doomed Moviethon”. It’s about watching too many movies and completely losing your mind! Sound familiar? I would be lying if I said that this wasn’t my favorite song on the album so I won’t bother.

If songs about video games (references I frankly just don’t get because of my chosen religion), the Planet of the Apes franchise, Dragonball Z, horror films like Hereditary and It, and a Wal-Mart in hell sound like something you’d be into- ew, bro! I’m not into that stuff. But if you are into that stuff then peel all of your skin off. Another option? Simply pick up a copy of Why Even Ask? because this is one hell of an epic album. From the blistering opening bassline of “Fireworks” to the apocalyptically phantasmagorical conclusion of “Vermin”, this is quite a journey for listener. This is such an overall improvement over what I’ve heard from The Prople so far that I can’t wait to hear what they come up with next. Not that I’m into that stuff.

The Prople

And even more The Prople

Mercury Screams

Mercury Screams (2018)

The 12th episode of “Regional Speculative Paranormal Research Program” caused a sensation when it aired on October 18th, 1984. The subject of the program: A husband and wife attempt to escape the trauma of losing a child by starting their lives over. These two damned souls don’t know what horrors await them in the form of an inter-dimensional satanic force. This televised supernatural psychodrama wrought havoc on the prenatal wards within the small area of its transmission. Were these horrific events foretold and was this only the beginning?

This short film by writer/director/producer Dan Wilder does something that every horror short should aspire to, which is to leave the viewer wanting more. I wish that Mercury Screams was feature length and I hope that there are more pieces of this dark puzzle coming soon. The subject matter is wildly disturbing but the faux cable access presentation makes for some evil fun. It’s lovingly filmed and edited with a retro flair. The film feels like a lost transmission from a demented Earth that went off its axis in the mid-1980s mixed with a doomsday cult’s recruitment VHS tape.

The Howl

The Howl AKA L’urlo (1970)

Berto (Nino Segurini) shows up to a shabby-looking prison to spring his fiancé Anita (Tina Aumont). She was arrested during a student protest and has been tortured mercilessly at the hands of her keepers. At their wedding, Anita runs off with Coso (Gigi Proietti) to escape the tedious existence that marriage to Berto will bring about. Her choice is not an easy one and the road that lies ahead of the two rebellious souls is fraught with everything from warring armies to a cannibal shaman. And naked hippies! Don’t forget them dang naked hippies!

Wait a second, let me check and see if I still can’t stand artsy movies. Yep, I still can’t stand them but there is hope for me yet. My first encounter with one of Tinto Brass’s art assaults did not go so well. Nerosubianco really put me out so I wasn’t exactly psyched about checking out The Howl. What I liked about his other effort, the insane editing and the wild imagery, didn’t make up for what I hated about it, the gibberish dialogue and the sluggish pace. Thankfully, The Howl has a wild energy to it and a sense of purpose that Nerosubianco does not.

This flick is one anarchic, comedic and dirty art movie. War, sex, government, police, marriage, and organized religion are sneered at, skewered, and then gleefully kicked in their collective nuts. There are a couple of dips in the energy here and there but overall this is a fantastic experience for the adventurous viewer. This film is violently absurd and gruesomely grim in its mad take on the world.

Composer Fiorenzo Carpi gives The Howl an unpredictable feel with some circus-like and outlandish pieces of music. The editing (by the director himself) is fast and furious with a mix of color and black and white footage flying by with some stock footage bits thrown in sporadically for good measure. There is even a clip from Deadly Sweet, Tinto Brass’s pop giallo, mixed in and sped up for some reason.

Tina Aumont (of Sergio Martino’s classic giallo Torso) rocks my pants off with her performance. She is utterly fearless and wildly sexy in every way. When Anita approaches the podium in one scene and gives a powerful vehement anti-war protest speech, Aumont’s face twists into mad expressions of rage that are just captivating to behold. Gigi Proietti is also excellent as her goofy companion through all kinds of insane adventures. Nino Segurini (of Amuck! and Nerosubianco) is stupendously bland (not a flaw) as the man Anita left at the altar but who is quite persistent in his attempts to get her back and/or destroy her.

The Howl is about as punk rock as a film can be. It’s very, very angry and chock full of ghastly surrealism, bizarre sexual imagery and ironic moments that are sometimes funny but usually just sad. If art flicks aren’t your thing then you may want to pass on this one but I found more than enough beauty (some accidental, some intentional) to get me through this relentlessly weird film. And just so you know I am NOT a PATIENT and OPEN-MINDED person who can appreciate CHALLENGING films that make me THINK. Okay?

“Why should I give a damn about the war if I continue to have difficulty reaching the climax?”

Night Angel

Night Angel (1990)

The newest model at Siren Magazine just happens to be Lilith (Isa Jank), a man-devouring demon. Despite the fact that the leading men at the magazine office are being killed in horrible ways, a new romance springs up between Siren reporter Craig (Linden Ashby) and jewelry designer (and boss’s daughter) Kirstie (Debra Feuer). Soon, Craig and Kirstie discover that everyone at Siren Magazine has become obsessed with Lilith and are becoming increasingly deranged and violent. The two are approached by Sadie (Helen Martin), an old mystic whose husband was devoured by Lilith many years ago. Sadie vows to destroy the demon before she breaths her final breath. When Kirstie is kidnapped by one of Lilith’s zombie-like followers, it is up to Craig and Sadie to send her back to Hell.

Oh, Night Angel, where have you been all my life? Probably at the video store. This film is one of those forehead-slappers I should have checked out ages ago. Directed by Dominique Othenin-Girard (Halloween 5, After Darkness), this very odd film goes the distance with strangeness, trashiness, as well as some eye-opening gore and special effects sequences. The writing is decent enough despite some thinly conceived characters and wince-inducing dialogue. Camerawork by David Lewis (Night of the Demons) is excellent with some tricky editing (read as: pointless slow motion) from Jerry Brady (also Halloween 5).

The acting isn’t great but it’s serviceable considering the material. Isa Jank gets pretty hot and heavy (well her blatantly obvious body double does anyway) in her role as the evil Lilith. Linden Ashby (of Mortal Kombat fame) is here to play our hero-ish guy, Craig. Debra Feuer is suitable as his love interest, Kirstie (yawn). Ken, the resident nerd, is played by Doug Jones (Hellboy) who grows quite creepy after he is enslaved by Lilith. The wildly prolific cult actress, Karen Black (Trilogy of Terror, The Pyx), turns in an outlandish performance as Rita, editor of Siren Magazine. Then there’s sassy Sadie, played by Helen Martin who’s been in everything from Death Wish to “Good Times” to Repo Man to 50 other thankless bit parts.

What amazes me about Night Angel is just how outrageous it gets. Subtle it is not! Just when I thought things were starting to slow down, the film goes bonkers. There’s a nightmarish bondage orgy-like scene with poor Craig looking awfully disturbed as all kinds of monstrosities are rolled out merely for the sake of some sweaty soft-focus weirdness. There is a gifted (well endowed, that is) young actress named Susie Sparks (of Smothering Tits 1 and 2) who plays a character called “Woman with Faces under Breasts”. Mm-hmm, you get the idea. Don’t listen to all those knuckleheads on IMDB, this one satisfies all your deepest darkest desires of late 80s horror (or early 1990s horror) and then some.

“Oh my gosh, would you look at the rib melons on this babe!”