Genki Genki Panic – SURF CVLT

Genki Genki Panic is a three-piece horror and science fiction-themed surf rock band from Chattanooga, Tennessee. Their sound is what gets pumped into the speakers of the graves of skeletons who still remember how to shake their bony asses. The production on this bright green flexi disc perfectly suits their otherworldly, reverb-drenched style. Listen to this band and you might just start a surf cult of your own.

“Ghouls on Film” explosively kicks off this three song flexi disc. It will have your synapses all twisted up into knots. Next, “Sexy Harambe Frankenstein” is a wild excursion into a little known genre called Mary (was a punk rocker) Shelley. The synthesizer on this track will melt your face off. “Radon Chong” sounds like if Agent Orange got into a knife fight with Brian Setzer. This release from Goblinhaus Records just blows me away. The disc comes with a download code with three more kickass songs with ridiculous puns in the titles.

Goblinhaus Records

Genki Genki Panic

Baptism of Blood

Baptism of Blood (1996)

Beautiful film actress Matsuko Uehara (Risa Akikawa) goes into hiding after she develops a disfiguring skin disease. She and Dr. Edmond Meredith (Tatsuya Go) plan to use his brain transplant machine to give her a younger body. Fifteen years later, they finally have the perfect specimen: Matsuko’s teenage daughter Sakura (played by Rie Imamura). As if Sakura didn’t have enough problems what with her lecherous piano teacher, Masahiko (Chihiro Tago), she now has to deal with her mom’s body-snatching? Geez!

Kenichi Yoshihara directs Baptism of Blood, a film that is proof that sometimes things are obscure for a reason and your directorial debut can also be your swan song. Okay, maybe I’m being a little hasty here. Yoshihara hasn’t made a film in 21 years but after this one, I have to say he’s probably done. Anyway… What Baptism of Blood lacks in plot, acting, and pacing, it (nearly) makes up for in all out kookiness. The film sports a low budget (except where gore effects are involved) and ultra-minimal sets that actually work in its favor.

There are these weird moments when the planets align and this film actually kicks out the jams for a moment or two. The scene where Sakura (with Matsuko’s brain in her body) threatens Kazuyo’s baby carriage (with her baby inside it!) with a minivan is amazing. There’s also a beautiful bitch-slap session when Matsuko pummels one of Sakura’s friends for accidentally scratching her perfect face. Reverse Oscar for everyone involved! Do they make Academy Award statues sitting on a little gold toilet? Boy, I’d love to hand those bastards out!

If you have an unequivocal love of Japanese horror films then Baptism of Blood will either stretch it to the breaking point or kill it completely. You will be as astounded by the absence of an even remotely mediocre ending as you will by the audaciousness of the phallicized brain switching machine. So that’s where the money went! Straight to the big black penis apparatus! Thank you, thesaurus.

Oh, if only the plot have held out we might have a minor bad classic on our hands. The film is quite kinky and sometimes just plain wrong. The whole thing with 15 year old Sakura (with Matsuko’s brain in her body!) sleeping with her piano teacher… No comment. The clunkiness of the script, the not-so-subtle perverse themes, the unintentional hilarity, and some nasty gore scenes make this an interesting viewing experience to say the least. I’m going to go out on a limb here and actually say that I actually really like this one but please, please understand how terrible this is before you muster up the courage to face the misleadingly titled Baptism of Blood.

Ghost Ballroom

Ghost Ballroom (1989)

Okay, let me try and do this as painlessly as possible. Mei is a prostitute junkie who owes her employer and lover, Master Condon, a great deal of money. Condon and his cronies throw her out of her apartment window and she dies. When she shows up and starts making some serious supernatural trouble for her killers, Condon hires a monk to get rid of Mei’s spirit. Knowing that she can’t do it alone, Mei approaches her living friends to help her gain the strength to take her revenge on Condon.

The kooky circus/pop opening credit music should have been enough to tip me off to what I was in for when Netflix sent me Ghost Ballroom. The plot is as dumb as a bag of rocks and the tone is all over the place. Director Wilson Tong tries to blend gritty urban drama, comedy, horror, kung-fu, and magic in one film and he almost pulls it off. The biggest problem is that Ghost Ballroom is so spastic that it never develops any of its characters. There is no main character to follow. Instead of 2 or 3 leads, this film has 5 or 6 main people who are never painted in anything more than a superficial light. All of the characters are hookers, drug dealers, gamblers, gangsters, junkies, etc. so it’s kind of tough to find anyone to relate to.

Where Ghost Ballroom does succeed is in its energy. Once it gets going, the pace never lets up. For the benefit of the Western viewer, there are multiple moments lost in translation that are worth a laugh or two. There are also some genuinely funny parts (some clever, some straight out of the gutter) but the tone problems I mentioned make it difficult to really enjoy them. The horror and magic sequences are cool enough but are usually pretty weak and the sleazy sex is kept to a minimum as well. Had director Tong pushed the envelope in either direction, this film might make a little more sense, entertainmentally (is that a real word?) speaking. It’s not the worst I’ve seen from that wild planet called Hong Kong but it certainly could have been much, much better.

Jigoku

Jigoku (1960)

[Some spoilers ahead.]

Shiro Shimizu (played by Shigeru Amachi) has got some real problems. While hanging out with his “friend” Tamura (Yoichi Numata) one night, he takes part in the hit and run of a gangster. This gangster’s mother (Kiyoko Tsuji) witnesses the crime and vows her revenge on both Tamura and Shiro (even though he wasn’t driving) with the aid of her son’s girlfriend Yoko (Akiko Ono). As if this weren’t bad enough, Shiro’s fiancée Yokiko (Utako Mitsuya) is killed in a taxi accident the night she was going to tell him something very important. While falling into Yoko and the gangster’s mom’s trap and shunned by his future in-laws, Shiro gets a letter from home that his mother is dying.

While his mother (played by Kimi Tokudaiji) lay dying in a cheap and corrupt rest home, Shiro’s father (Hiroshi Hayashi) is living in the next room with his mistress. Shiro meets Sachiko (Akiko Ono again), a girl who reminds him an awful lot of his dead fiancée and who he immediately has a crush on. She lives at the rest home with her drunken artist father who sells his paintings of hell to get by. Tamura shows up in town to cause more trouble for Shiro as does Yoko and the gangster’s mom. Someone serves some bad fish at the rest home’s tenth anniversary (plus there’s a bottle of poison sake going around) and next thing you know, pretty much every single character we’ve met up to this point goes straight to freakin’ hell.

But wait, there’s more! Now in hell, Shiro discovers some disturbing revelations about his family and is forced to face all of his earthly sins. Oh and Enma, the king of hell, is going to get his money’s worth torturing him for all eternity. In the underworld, Yoko reveals to Shiro that she was going to tell him she was pregnant the night she died and that their unborn child is trapped somewhere in hell. Our whiny miserable “hero” decides to get his shit together and go rescue their child so that she won’t suffer along with all the lost souls who totally deserve to be there. But will this young man’s will be enough to challenge the will of the king of hell? Wait, why is Sachiko in hell? She’s a nice girl? Oh man, why is there a river of pus and excrement? That’s just nasty! These questions and many more are answered in Jigoku!

What’s the most fun you could ever have going to hell? With legendary wacko director Nobuo Nakagawa’s 1960 film, Jigoku, you silly! The cacophonous and sensual opening credit sequence alone is enough to make this one of the strangest film about H-E-double hockey sticks. Jigoku is as much about the tortures of hell as it is about guilt and what spectacular failures human beings are. There’s also melodrama so overwrought and irony so ironic it’s almost too ironic for me to even be talking about it. Either way, I bet you haven’t seen anything quite like this before.

I’ve rarely enjoyed a movie that was this hard to sit through. Its two sections, the earthly plane and the world of hell, are both filled with agony and misery. The second half just has more screaming. The feeling of dread is excruciating as everything just keeps spinning out of control. Lives are wrecked and people just keep making stupid ass choices that land their butts on the griddle. The tortures awaiting them, though cheesily staged, are brutal. There’s a demon whose job it is to smash yer dang teeth in. Hey, it’s a living! The compositions by cinematographer Mamoru Morita are striking and the film’s wild score by the prolific Michiaki Watanbe is simply mind-blowing.

All of the actors are totally devoted to this piece of insanity. You know you’ve got an excellent cast when the viewer is willing to die and go to hell with them. And it takes a great actor to make an unpleasant character into a fascinating portrait and that is just what Shigeru Amachi does with Shiro. The funniest aspect of this character is how he is a magnet for women. Yukiko, Yoko, Sachiko, and even his father’s mistress, all go for this friggin’ guy.

However, for me, the shining star of Jigoku is Yoichi Numata (of Ringu). I think it was around the second time that Tamura materialized out of thin air that I realized this character had a little more up his sleeve than just a sleazy prankster. It is quite clear that this roguish gentleman is a catalyst for a sin, a mad soul from hell on an unholy mission, a total dickweed trying to make everyone suffer as much as he, etc. Numata’s performance is wildly over-the-top, spastic, and totally perfect.

Is Jigoku a classic film? Oh yeah. Is it also shrill as hell (really, duder, like “hell”?) and a little (read as: a lot) exasperating during some of its running time? Mm-hm. It’s a fairly obvious art movie that is trying to hide behind its tawdry tapestry of misery and horror. I urge you to watch this film as soon as you can but I must warn you: You will go to hell and your screams of perpetual torment will go unnoticed in the chaotic din of eternity. Bring your friends! Jigoku is a great date movie as well. But you’re not getting laid after it’s over.

Nightmare Zone

Nightmare Zone (1998)

This trilogy of horror stories begins when May Ho (Emily Kwan) becomes bored and calls her family’s old phone number only to find herself on the other line. In the next story, Mr. Tin (Lai Yiu Cheung) and his wife, Lily (Cheung Yuen Man), are just trying to get by in their failing marriage and squalid apartment. Tin’s urge to murder innocent people after they even slightly offend him and Lily’s need to carry a meat cleaver around with her at all times don’t help matters much. Lastly, Simon Chu (Max Mok) is haunted by dreams of the past and finds that the only one who can help him is the con artist, Feng Chin (Yvonne Yung).

I can’t even say “Nightmare Zone” without screaming, falling to my knees, and shaking my fists at the sky. Director Yuk Jan Lee’s horrifyingly bland and terrifyingly lame Nightmare Zone runs less than 90 minutes but feels just under 90 years long. Come to think of it, other than some stylish (yet very brief) moments in the cinematography department and amusing flubs in the subtitles (“Yeah, human is never up to the Heaven.”), there is nothing even remotely valuable about watching this picture. Well? Hold on, maybe I can come up with something.

The first story is filmed very nicely in a moody blue hue. Unfortunately, the script is gray and tan paisley. The unluckily named, May Ho (played by Emily Kwan of The Untold Story and Dr. Lamb), goes goth while feeling lonely without her boyfriend around (codependent!). Pretty sad to watch someone bottoming out in Hong Kong because she called herself and herself answered the phone. Confused? You won’t be but you’ll wish you were. May’s whipped boyfriend, Chi On, is sufficiently dreamy but man, get a life. The finale at the “Tin Tin Building” couldn’t come any sooner with an open or closed ending that hurts if I think about it too much. Not a good way to start the trilogy.

The best story of the three (and that isn’t saying much) is up next. The story of Mr. Tin (Lai Yui Cheung of The Stewardess) and his crazy wife has the plot of a Cat III flick but none of the extreme sex and violence. This is a damn shame since the best performances in Nightmare Zone are wasted on a tame and bloodless storyline. Other than a couple of quick murder scenes and some implied cannibalism, we’re left with a quick and unsatisfying ending to a decent story.

They saved the best for the last if you happen to hate entertainment. The gorgeous Yvonne Yung (Chinese Torture Chamber) plays Feng Chin, a fake psychic who cheats people out of their hard earned money. It’s amazing to watch such a beautiful woman playing a money-grubbing scumbag like this. Poor Simon Chu (Max Mok of Ghost Fever), he has to follow this biznitch around and try to find the answer to his dreams. Hell of a hobby. The ending will simply not stop taking its sweet time wrapping up and pretty soon the whole thing just induces giggles and eye-gouging.

If you feel you have to see every Asian horror movie ever made then put this one at the top of your list so you can get it over with quickly. Nightmare Zone gives all Hong Kong horror movies a bad name just by its very existence. I keep trying to figure out why I have watched this one twice when twice is three times too many. That’s it, screw this, I’m going out to have some “monkey affairs” of my own, whatever that means.

The Prople – Monorail Girl

They’re not The People, The Purple, or The Propel Fitness Water. They’re The Prople and they’re back with a new EP even though their full length album Revenge is still pretty hot and covered in the blood of carnivores. As much as I enjoyed Revenge, Monorail Girl is an overwhelming piece or slice of punk. Should I call it a chunk of punk? I don’t know what the kids are calling it these days. Anyway, the guitars on this album are punishing in the best way possible and this all too short collection of songs (two of them are less than 50 seconds!) have left me wanting more.

As I’ve come to expect from The Prople, the songs on Monorail Girl are a mix of horror, deranged Disney World nostalgia, and other left field topics. The horror begins with the opening track called “David” which is about Alien: Covenant, naturally. Another horror track is called “Fruit Cellar” and the Psycho-inspired TV series“Bates Motel” is where it draws its inspiration. Bassist and backup vocalist Kari Frankenstein takes the lead on this one and it’s a catchy and incredibly depressing song, lyrically speaking.

Vocalist, guitarist, drummer, and general overachiever, Markky Karloff, gives the listener the most horrifying vision of all with “Muscle of Love”. It’s an Alice Cooper cover and even though it’s probably not about the shock rocker’s penis, my mind immediately goes there. Since it’s Markky singing those lyrics on this EP, it might be about his penis. But I suspect that Markky might not be into that stuff.

Last but certainly not least are the title track of this EP and a cover of “(There’s A) Great Big, Beautiful Tomorrow” to fulfill the required Disney quotient. “Beautiful Tomorrow” is a song that plays at the Carousel of Progress at the theme park. Lyrically, this is full of hope and promise but things quickly mutate into madness and despair, just like Walt Disney! Wait, what? “Monorail Girl” is probably the strangest song on there. I hope the sexual lyrics are a metaphor for something that isn’t sex, just like Walt Disney! Wait, what?

More Prople.

Even more Prople.

Slingshot Cops

Slingshot Cops (2016)

On the mean streets of Woodsville Center, a tough cop named Rusty (Matt Farley) patrols the streets looking to bust an illegal fireworks syndicate. Without the support of the police chief, the mayor, or his ex-girlfriend, he’s a joke to the community. First, he’s forced to see therapist Dr. David Mercer (Kevin McGee) to prove that he’s fit for duty. Then he’s saddled with a new partner, old-timer Officer Wolf, who cares more about cupcakes and laying low until retirement than fighting crime. Things are looking pretty grim but during a routine preppy bust, Rusty discovers that there’s more to Wolf than meets the eye.

A conspiracy more dangerous than fireworks dealers rears its ugly head as a mysterious presence known only as Sensefoot has been terrorizing the townspeople. One touch of its glowing purple foot and the victim will lose their sense of touch, taste, smell, etc. Rusty and Wolf are baffled by these crimes and are at a loss until an Eastern European (Tom Scalzo) comes to town. He is a Sensefoot expert after his village was terrorized by the creature many years ago. These three heroes join forces to rid Woodsville Center of this scourge but is it too late? They’re gonna need a zany scheme to end all zany schemes in order to close this case.

I’ve been reviewing the films of Charles Roxburgh (director), Matt Farley (producer and star), and company since their eccentric slasher Freaky Farley back in 2007 and every time they put out something new, it’s a cause for celebration. They always film in New England which is a gorgeous and exotic land to my Florida eyes. Speaking of gorgeous, the cinematography is on point and the crew is making the most of the beautifully scenic locations. I want to live in Woodsville Center.

Fueled by an excellent electro pop score (by Farley and Scalzo) and a crackerjack screenplay (by Farley and Roxburgh), there’s a lot to love here. My only criticisms are the sound is a little jakey at times (for instance, the Eastern European yelling through a megaphone is quieter than everyone else) and the film could be about 5 minutes shorter. Just a little tightening up before the finale would have made a big difference. But that’s literally all that I can find to complain about.

Slingshot Cops is a criminally unusual film with an offbeat sense of humor that must be seen to be believed. Its heart is in the right place and I was just glowing after watching it. These guys have made a genre-bending little masterpiece that will be hard to top. And I can’t wait until they do. Do you like high fives? Do you like stinky cheese eating Eastern Europeans? Do you like glowing feet? Then brother, have I got a movie recommendation for you!

“Curse these thrill-seeking preppies!”

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Office Killer

Office Killer (1997)

Carol Kane plays Dorine Douglas, a proofreader for the struggling magazine, Constant Consumer. One night, while working late to get an article finished on time, Dorine accidentally electrocutes blowhard Gary (David Thornton), one of her co-workers. Instead of calling the police, Dorine takes Gary’s body home, unbeknownst to her crippled and senile mother (played by Alice Drummond).

Now, Dorine is bent on removing all the cruel and dishonest workers from her office. One of the writers, Kim (Molly Ringwald) sees right through Dorine’s mousy exterior but can’t find any proof of foul play. Norah (Jeanne Tripplehorne), a consultant who is responsible for the company’s downsizing, soon learns that her embezzlement may carry a punishment worse than prison once Dorine finds out.

The multi-talented Cindy Sherman directs this very quirky and dark horror comedy. Despite its hokey and often unbelievable plot, the amount of style dedicated to Office Killer is incredible. The many subtle, quiet moments and creepy scenes mix very well with the campy feel of the storyline. The cinematography of Russell Lee Fine is sharp and well realized, often giving the film a documentary feel.

Carol Kane (When a Stranger Calls, Pandemonium) is perfect as the very disturbed Dorine. Kane really cranks up the crazy dial, especially during the scenes in which she talks to the corpses in her basement. Molly Ringwald does a fair job of playing the skeptical and bitchy Kim but comes off as overly whiny and distracting in places. The beautiful Jeanne Tripplehorne also has some trouble with the role of Norah and her performance seems forced. Luckily, Tripplehorne gets it together for the film’s climax and portrays a thoroughly terrified and desperate person.

Although it has its faults, Office Killer is a fun horror flick. Some of the performances are too mechanical and the plot has some stretches of the imagination. But its offbeat style will appeal to those looking for something strange to watch. Surprisingly, there are some gory and brutal moments that add to the pulp novel feel of the film. I can only hope that Cindy Sherman returns to the genre and delivers another pulpy and goopy horror flick.

Organ

Organ (1996)

Numata and his partner Tosaka go undercover to catch a ring of black market organ dealers. Things go wrong and Numata is forced to abandon Tosaka who is taken hostage by Jun, the doctor who performed the organ removals. Numata is thrown off the police force but continues to search for his partner even though he is believed to be dead. Shinji, Tosaka’s brother, is also unconvinced of his brother’s demise and searches on his own.

Meanwhile, Jun has returned to his day job of a science teacher in a high school. He has cut off all of Tosaka’s limbs and keeps him in a closet in his office. Yoko (Kei Fujiwara), Jun’s sister and leader of the organ stealing ring, brings her brother drugs to help him ease the pain of a horrible infection growing on his stomach. As Numata and Shinji get closer to finding Jun and Yoko, things begin to go wrong for everyone. The yakuza want control over the organ stealing ring and Yoko will fight to the death to protect her and her brother’s interests. Everything comes to a head when Shinji runs afoul with the yakuza and Yoko while Numata finds where Jun has been hiding.

This weird and often confusing film is bloodier, gorier, and funkier than even its title suggests. Kei Fujiwara (who played the woman in Tetsuo – The Iron Man) directs and stars in a film soaked with putrescence and populated with sleazy and violent characters. The dominant theme of Organ is the obsession and repulsion with the physical form and it is explored thoroughly. There’s even room for a not so subtle addiction motif.

The performances are mixed but most of the cast serves the weirdness of the film quite well. Some characters wander around like zombies while others are one-sided seedy caricatures. Fujiwara is great as the one-eyed, organ stealing, and yakuza slaying, Yoko, who unfortunately, doesn’t get nearly enough screentime. Unfortunately, the pace of Organ is frustratingly slow in places resting too much on its artsy laurels. Not that the film isn’t effectively moody or tense but the slow spots are many. It’s hard not to imagine how much this would benefit from tighter editing. Another problem is that the film introduces too many characters and it’s easy to get confused.

The effects are gruesome and squirm inducing. The rotting flesh and the pus should be enough to keep any gorehound happy throughout the running time. There are also some insanely bloody moments guaranteed to please. The scene where Yoko is blinded in one eye and Jun is nearly castrated by their psychotic mother is particularly brutal, especially since the characters are children when this takes place. Organ will not be every viewer’s cup of tea. Even fans of extreme Asian cinema may be put out by the slow pace and the artiness of the proceedings. However, this is a prime example of oozing, dripping, and pus-soaked Japanese horror with absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel.

The Prople – Revenge

I like to take risks. My whole life is dictated by the unknown and I thrive on adventure. Of course, I’m lying. I’ve never been outside and now I never have to again. My favorite album of the year came out and there’s enough excitement packed into its fifteen songs that feed both my soul and my body. My brain isn’t being fed, it’s being harvested by the Prople and used to power their future vehicle which is a Lamborghini dune buggy made of skeletons.

The Prople’s album Revenge begins with “Grim Grinning Ghosts”, a cover of the jaunty music from the Haunted Mansion ride at Walt Disney World. It opens spookily, is very energetic, and is overall, a lovingly crafted ode to the best ride at the park. And that’s not the only song on this album about a ride at Disney! If that seems odd, you’re right. The people behind this music have many strange obsessions and very specific lyrics like “Broly is an Overrated Pussy” which-according to my research- is about a Dragonball Z character.

Another standout track is the insanely catchy “Don’t Breathe” about the 2016 film of the same name. But that’s not the only cinematic tribute on Revenge, the album is full of film-centric songs about Terminator 2: Judgment Day, American Psycho. Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: Rogue One, and even the short film The Punisher: Dirty Laundry gets its own song! Is that too pop culture-y for you? Don’t worry, the title track is about cows. The accompanying Revenge comic book can explain everything (available right here).

Overall, Revenge is a loud and spastic album but as I listened to it the first time, something strange happened. I was innocently rocking out to “Uncle Bob” and my sleeve got caught on the Prople rollercoaster as it whizzed by me. I managed to climb into the front car but the safety bar wouldn’t come down. It was a good time but tinged with imminent danger. It was an exhilarating experience and I know I had a choice. I could either fight it and die or I could just leave the album on repeat forever. Let me tell you what I did.