Monsters

Maneater of Hydra

Maneater of Hydra (1967)

A group of tourists travel to an island to see its exotic botanicals. There they meet Baron von Weser (Cameron Mitchell), a reclusive scientist studying rare horticulture and experimenting with crossbreeding dangerous varieties of plants. One of the Baron’s creations is draining the blood of human beings (through a small hole in their cheek) and the tourists are dying one by one.

Mel Welles, the genius behind the inexplicably amazing Lady Frankenstein wrote this junky little number. The lame and predictable dialogue is goofily dubbed and the storyline is totally generic monster movie pseudoscientific hokum. The worst scene in the movie features all the characters shouting about who or what is to blame for the recent killings. Most importantly however, Maneater of Hydra has a beautiful mansion, an exotic locale and a windstorm that never seems to let up.

Our cast of characters is headed up by total spazzoid Cameron Mitchell (a man who inspires great love and hatred in me) of Blood and Black Lace and Minnesota Clay. Cora Robertson (Czechoslovakian actress Kai Fischer) is a hot bag of cleavage in heat. The lovely and sweet Beth is played by Elisa Montés who would show up in Jess Franco’s 99 Women. The most irritating character is the shrill and terrible Myrtle Callihan who shrieks and complains about everything. Trust me on this one: she should have been the first to die.

While Maneater of Hydra (AKA Island of the Doomed) is strictly non-essential viewing (thanks mostly to some dull bits), it’s still a good time for a very boring Sunday afternoon (or a Saturday with a head cold (which is how I viewed it)). The way the creature sucks blood from people is pretty disgusting and the animated opening titles are just splendid. Plus, the climax is quite outrageous and very bloody.

“I’m sorry but you were about to touch my giant… gardenias.”

Death Warmed Up

Death Warmed Up (1984)

In order to continue his morally questionable experiments on prolonging human life, Dr. Archer Howell (Gary Day) decides to eliminate his colleague Dr. Tucker (David Weatherley). Dr. Howell brainwashes Dr. Tucker’s son Michael (Michael Hurst) into killing his parents with a shotgun. Michael is put into an insane asylum and after his release, seven years later, is looking to kill the mad doctor. He travels with a couple of friends to Dr. Howell’s huge island medical facility. It is here where Michael discovers that the mad doctor’s test subjects have become violent mutants that only Dr. Howell can control.

Okay, so now I think New Zealand is the weirdest place on Earth. This wonderfully cheesy, oddly disjointed, and completely manic sci-fi horror flick comes from director David Blyth (Red-Blooded American Girl). Death Warmed Up is an action-packed and splatter-filled romp through Kiwi country with great stunts, lots of wet gore, and plenty of imagination. The cinematography by James Bartle (The Quiet Earth) is excellent and the synthesizer-infused soundtrack fits the film perfectly. I can’t help but dig on those wild sets and fierce lighting schemes.

On the down side, the script leaves much to be desired as the dialogue is very silly and there are way too many confusing moments in the film. The loose ends and logic lapses make it feel like the movie was a 2 hour epic that someone sliced up. I’m not saying the film would be better with more footage. After all, one of the highlights of Death Warmed Up is its dizzying pace.

Although actor Michael Hurst’s intensity is appreciated, it reaches comic proportions in some points. And yes, his character, Michael, is written rather poorly. From his declaration of love for Sandy (Margaret Umbers) to his nihilistic ramblings at the end of the film, I’m just friggin’ lost. Also, if he is on a quest for bloody revenge against Dr. Howell, why the hell did he bring his girlfriend and another young couple along? Thank God for Spider (David Letch), his mutant rival, who is clear, concise, and deadly.

When I told my friend Nafa about this New Zealand-born horror film, he said “Oh, is Bruno Lawrence in it?” I laughed because it seems like the superbly talented Lawrence (The Quiet Earth, Utu) was in every flick from New Zealand until his death in 1995. Then, while writing this review, I noticed that Bruno Lawrence is indeed in Death Warmed Up. He plays Tex, one of the original mutants in Dr. Howell’s experiments but is almost completely unrecognizable. Yep, awesome.

When all is said and done, I found Death Warmed Up to be a lot of fun despite its downer ending and confusing story. The film is visually arresting, surprisingly gory, and determined to get your attention with its outlandishness. Wait, was Dr. Howell trying to cure death or was he trying to create an army of mind-controlled mutants? Your guess is as good as mine. Just beware of the sexy and evil Kiwi nurses, okay?

“I’ll get you! I’ll get you, bastards!”

Kibakichi 2

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Kibakichi 2 (2004)

Sakuramaru (Masakatsu Funaki), a renegade samurai, is cutting his way through the countryside and anyone who stands in his way. He is more than happy to cross paths with Kibakichi (Ryuuji Harada) because he has finally found a worthy opponent. Anju (Miki Tanka), another werewolf samurai, interrupts their battle by trying to kill Kibakichi herself in order to get revenge for her monster family. Kibakichi is injured and is cared for by a young blind woman named Tokoko (Aimi Nakajima) in a nearby village. A new threat emerges when three monsters decide to take over and all concerned parties are dragged into yet another Yokai war.

Kibakichi 2 opens promisingly enough with Sakuramaru cutting down an entire city with his sword but before long, the film slows to a crawl. There is plenty of swordplay and some monster action (needs more please) but the spark is definitely gone this time around. A melodramatic departure is always welcome (that’s just me) but not one as flat as the one here. The pacing of this film is terrible making the 80 minute running time feel like several hours. There are too many cheap shortcuts in the effects department that really stand out. There are fewer monsters in Kibakichi 2 than in the first film so the rubbery masks stick out even worse. Samurais attack with mouths full of fake blood, are cut down, and then spray their bloody spittle into the air.

The returning cast (Ryuuji Harada and Miki Tanaka) seems bored with the material but some of the new faces are up for the task. Masakatsu Funaki (Godzilla: Final Wars) is great as the Sakuramaru, the bloodthirsty berserker swordsman. Aimi Nakajima is also good as the sweet (and very cute) Tokoko who gets caught up in all the intrigue. As for Ryuuji Harada (Izo, Pyrokinesis), he takes the already stoic character of Kibakichi and makes him into a sleepwalker through much of the film. Miki Tanaka plays Anju as though she was constipated and just can’t seem to get into the battle scenes.

Kibakichi 2 is a big disappointment after the unbridled insanity of the first film. Not to say that Kibakichi 2 is your average flick. Oh no. Anyone who watches the samurai werewolf ballet sequence at the film’s climax won’t believe for a second that there is anyone even remotely normal behind the camera. Speaking of the samurai werewolf ballet, this is one of the weirdest and most endearingly pathetic filmic disasters I’ve ever seen. While witnessing this spectacle I felt was teetering on edge of madness. In fact, this scene is probably the only reason to sit through this movie. I just don’t know anymore.

I hate to compare a sequel to its predecessor this blatantly but while looking for, at best, a good companion piece or, at worst, an entertaining diversion, I found neither. Kibakichi 2 is brought down by its molasses pacing, sleepy cast, and restraint of the craziness that made the first film so much fun. Who knows what happened between the two films but my only hope now is that there won’t be a third.

Matango

matango

Matango (1963)

On a sailing excursion, a mixed group of disenchanted socialites and working class sailors get caught in a storm. With their communication and navigation equipment destroyed, the group drift for days until they come upon a seemingly uninhabited island. While searching for food on the island, they discover an abandoned ship run ashore on the other side of the island.

Inside the moldy vessel loaded with radiation research equipment, a captain’s log records the crew losing their sanity over the lack of food. The log also warns against eating the matango mushrooms that grow on the island because they cause insanity. While the group struggles to find food and repair the sailboat to escape the island (especially after some ghostly apparitions appear one night), some become too hungry and consume the mushrooms despite the warnings. Before long, symptoms far worse than insanity begin to plague the matango eaters and the remaining crew must fend themselves against unimaginable horrors.

This has got to be the strangest motion picture from Toho Films in the 1960s (aside from Frankenstein Conquers the World). Ishiro Honda, director of the original Godzilla and many other Kaiju (giant monster) films, brings the wild and weird Matango (AKA Attack of the Mushroom People AKA Fungus of Terror) to life. With sumptuous cinematography and a genuinely tense and creepy atmosphere, this is definitely not your average mushroom-horror film.

Another lavish part of the film are the sets and the locations. The magnificent tropical island blends seamlessly with the dank jungle where the matango thrive. The abandoned ship which the castaways use as their home on the mysterious island is very detailed and creates many opportunities for spooky moments, none of which are missed. The costuming and the makeup on the mushroom creatures as well as the humans in the process of turning into giant mushrooms are both top notch.

The cast is awesome and expertly conveys the growing tension aboard the claustrophobic quarters they find themselves as well as their terror as they begin to realize something is terribly wrong on the island. It’s hard to imagine a cast looking at the script for Matango and not jumping ship (literally). From the gratuitous musical number(s), overtones of sexual repression, hallucinogenic mushroom use, and seven and half foot laughing phallic symbols, these folks had their work cut out for them.

Matango is custom made for fans of creepy horror films or just plain freaky Japanese cinema. With themes of urban decay and the loss of innocence poured into its already intoxicating concoction, this film is impossible to ignore and will no doubt be showing up time and again on the shelves of J-horror and Toho buffs. I implore you. Please, do not eat the mushrooms.

 

Skeleton Man

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Skeleton Man (2004)

A hooded skeletal creature is killing people in the woods near a research base. A team of soldiers, lead by Captain Leary (Michael Rooker), is sent in to find and destroy this creature. Unfortunately, this creature is the possessed spirit of a mad Native American warrior and is virtually unstoppable. It is up to the surviving members of Leary’s team to find a way to destroy the creature.

This disaster of a movie was directed by longtime stuntman and first time director, Johnny Martin. The dialogue is laughable, the plot is inane, and the performances from the actors lack any personality or gumption. The film contains some brief gory moments but nothing outstanding. There is a nasty exploding head, impalements, and even a grotesque (yet half-assed) pit of bodies. Even the gratuitous machinegun fire and explosions can’t make Skeleton Man even remotely exciting.

There are an uncountable number of opportunities for viewers to go “huh?” and “what?” during the film. At around 45 minutes, the film’s already shaky narrative completely breaks down when Casper Van Dien’s (Starship Troopers, Sleepy Hollow) stunt double goes for a little joyride in a tractor trailer which results in a nice explosion. I can’t imagine Van Dien being too busy to be filmed driving a truck. But sure enough, shots of a faceless stunt actor and shots of Van Dien making faces from different parts of the film are intercut into this unholy abomination of a scene.

Now onto the creature that terrorizes the protagonists (and viewers) of Skeleton Man. First of all, there’s nothing scary about a monster in a shiny black polyester bonnet and cape ensemble. Also, despite the silliness of the creature’s mask, there are shots in the film where the actor’s nose can be seen where the skeleton’s nasal cavity should be. And finally, the whole Predator thing really hurts the film. For instance, the skeletal creature can cloak (or perhaps it’s teleporting?) and the POV shots through the creature’s eyes are very familiar (complete with what appears to be thermal vision).

Skeleton Man will horrify but not in the way that it was intended to. This movie may turn up on someone’s guilty pleasure list due to the fact that it is so mistake laden and logic free. And of course, it features an unmitigated Michael Rooker (Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer, Shadow Builder) running rampant throughout the film as the rugged (and more than just a little nutty) Captain Leary. So, if you think you’re man enough to take on a bewildering plot and embarrassingly trite dialogue (as well as ludicrous action sequences and vapid special effects), then try Skeleton Man on for size.

Dark Romances

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Dark Romances I & II (1990)

This horror anthology has seven separate stories. In “The Black Veil”, Meg (Elizabeth Morehead) visits her college friend, Justine (Julie Carlson), to try and rescue her from the unsavory life she is leading in the Grand Guignol theatre. Little does Meg know, that Justine is in more trouble than even she realizes. In “Listen To Midnight” photographer Tod’s (Ron Roleck) questionable lifestyle finally catches up with him when he brings home the wrong woman.

“She’s Bad, She’s Blonde, She’s Lunch” is the story of a criminal couple who have a fateful meeting with a mad scientist (Fox Harris) and his creation. In “Cardinal Sin” a young man’s desires clash with his mother’s overbearing religious beliefs with deadly results. “Pet Shop Of Death” is the tale of Sam (Mark Addy), a man who will go to great lengths to get his dominating wife (Katina Garner) off his back in order to win the affections of his sexy neighbor. In “Last Love” a woman attempts to bring her dead lover back to life. The last story, “What Goes Around…” tells of a washed up artist (Jeff Maxwell) whose inspiration is renewed when he gets involved with a mysterious woman named Diana (Brinke Stevens). Unfortunately, she wants to destroy him in order to bring him success.

Surprise. Bewilderment. Awe. Ouch. These are just a few of the things I’m experiencing while walking away from a back to back Dark Romances marathon. Garage gore, sub-ironic product placement, arthouse aspirations, every paltry video effect known to man, ineluctable late 80s cheese, dialogue like broken glass, schlocky acting, Brinke Stevens (Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama), and much, much more await you here in this very dense and oddly hypnotic shot-on-video horror anthology.

While I’m impressed by the ambitious storyline and setting of “The Black Veil”, sitting through it is another matter entirely. An intentional (I hope) soft focus haze persists throughout the running time of this (overlong) section but some excessive gore makes up for a lot of this. Up next is one of my favorite pieces from the anthology called “Talk To Midnight” which features Ron Roleck as Tod, the sleazy photographer with enough neo-noir moxie to peel the paint off a Maserati. Tod finally meets his match in Ginger (played by Anita Coleito), a voluptuous vamp sweet enough to give me cavities. Cavities of death!

On tape 2, the second best of the best comes tearing across the screen with a vengeance: “She’s Bad, She’s Blonde, She’s Lunch”. A neat little disclaimer warns the viewer of impending doom but even that didn’t prepare me for the sheer delight I was in store for. Ruth Waytz and Ron Kologie go on a murderous rampage in a comic book store and the next thing I know, Fox Harris (Repo Man, Dr. Caligari) is making me feel alive again. Then this green and naked monster shows up and the movie erupts with some fugly vaginal and phallic symbols. Simply joyous.

I’ve had enough already and yet tape 2 keeps running. “Cardinal Sin” is loaded with repressed sexual urges, blood, and pornstar Elle Rio steaming things up. The next installment, “Pet Shop Of Death” is an indie horror near-masterpiece with much demented fun to be had. “Last Love” is somewhat weak and really not welcome at this point in the game. Thankfully, the black and white finale, “What Goes Around…”, is just ridiculous enough to finish things off. Besides, it stars Brinke Stevens as the collector of artists’ parts (I mean, souls) and the trippy sci-fi nonsense angle adds some spice to this one quite nicely.

And we’re done. I’m jittery, bloated, but not irritable. Despite some weak moments, Dark Romances is one hell of a trashy fun time. The it’s-so-80s-it-hurts vibe only makes the 3 hour ride all the more endearing. The gore and nudity run rampant in some sections while other “artier(!?!)” stories in the anthology are somewhat tame. Even the clunkier sections (“The Black Veil” and “Last Love”) have their own style and don’t require any fast-forwarding. Brinke Stevens keeps popping up in all the stories so yeah, stay tuned! Both volumes of Dark Romances are clearly a labor of love for those involved and it’s a shame that this title remains somewhat obscure. I’m going to go and stare at some neon lights now and eat some frozen yogurt.

Monsters, Marriage, and Murder in Manchvegas

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Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas (2009)

All is not well in the seemingly idyllic town of Manchvegas. A knife-wielding murderer has been stalking its lovely ladies and there are monsters -gospercaps, actually- all over the woods. But fear not for M.O.S. is on the case. That’s the Manchvegas Outlaw Society, in case you didn’t know, and their leader is Marshall (Matt Farley), a plucky young man with the gumption to get the town back on its feet again. With him as always is Jenny (Marie Dellicker) and All-Star Pete (Tom Scalzo). But solving crimes and fighting monsters is not all that M.O.S. has on its plate. When Jenny’s burgeoning feelings for Marshall go unrequited, she starts going on dates with some of the eligible men of Manchvegas. Marshall and All-Star Pete go about sabotaging her good times with some wild pranks.

The creators of Freaky Farley, my favorite indie horror film of 2007 (possibly my favorite of the millennium), are back with Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas. Once again, director/co-writer Charles Roxburgh, co-writer/actor Matt Farley, and their dedicated crew drop the viewer headfirst into a delightfully strange and freakishly innocent world. The obvious care put into every line of dialogue in this movie really shows as this film behaves the way it wants to behave, not in the way you think it should. The intersecting love stories are convoluted yet undeniably sweet and essential to moving the plot along.

A key factor to this film’s success is due to the fact that Roxburgh filmed this movie with actual film! MMMManchvegas is lovingly shot on 16mm with excellent attention to color and detail. Of course, the writing is immensely important to what makes these guys’ movies so special. Even the songs by Moes Haven scattered throughout the film are custom made to keep the audience hip to what’s going on. My favorite of these catchy tunes is “Basketball Fun”.

The cast is ready, willing and able to bring this weird film to life. Matt Farley is great as the single-minded Marshall. He won’t let anything stand in the way of M.O.S., even if it means denying his feelings for Jenny. And speaking of Jenny, Marie Dellicker practically steals the show with her fine portrayal of a girl who wants to grow up just a little bit but knows that it might mean losing her best friends. Some familiar faces from Freaky Farley pop up when another love story blooms in Manchvegas. The irrepressibly plucky Sharon Scalzo plays Melinda, a young woman in love with the easy going and somewhat clueless Vince (played by Kyle Kochan), even though her overbearing father (Kevin McGee) doesn’t approve.

Though it has monsters and a couple of dead bodies, Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas is not a horror film. And don’t expect an ounce of gore from this one as the film is practically bloodless and hell, there isn’t a scare to be found. This whole offbeat cinema production revels in its gloriously cheesy vibe and driest of dry senses of humor while remaining very, very watchable throughout. I can’t stress enough how badly I want to live in their alternate universe. Finally, I know where “everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.”

“Gosh dang, it’s monster central, man!”

Visit the Shockmarathons site for more.

Freaky Farley

freakyfarley

Freaky Farley (2007)

Ever since the death of his mother, “Freaky” Farley Wilder (Matt Farley) has been constantly punished and repressed by his father, radio personality Rick Wilder (Kevin McGee). The small amounts of time that Farley can sneak away, he spends spying on girls and tubing on the river. This all changes when he meets and falls in love with Scarlett Carter (Sharon Scalzo), a young lady with ambitions to write a novel about the bizarre characters in their town. When his father forbids Farley from seeing Scarlett and reveals a terrible family secret, Farley goes on a bloody rampage. Now, locked in an insane asylum and recounting his life story to a psychologist, Farley reveals that there is something even more monstrous behind his killing spree.

It’s extremely rare that I feel the need to return to a film within 24 hours of my first viewing. Yet somehow, the first thing I did the morning after I watched Freaky Farley, was watch it all over again. Independent horror films rarely get to me like this. The guys behind the Shockmarathons books have created a film influenced by the 70s and 80s VHS horrors they endured during their movie marathons. Yet this is not a wannabe demonic possession rip-off, or a slasher clone (though it fools you in thinking it is in the beginning), or even another dull zombie flesh-munching festival. No, this is something very, very different.

The combination of 16mm film, kitschy organ soundtrack, and the gorgeous New Hampshire (in autumn) locations, is a perfect concoction for grabbing and holding my attention. So the corny script with banal dialogue and silly characters should have instantly put me off, right? Not with delivery like this. The lead actors in this film take eccentric and quirky to a new level. Everyone in this film is either as stiff as a board or going so over the top that it is breathtaking.

Matt Farley practically steals the show as “Freaky” Farley with his bizarre sincerity, nervous energy, and odd intonation. It is impossible not to find humor in his delivery. The post-dubbing of his voice also adds an otherworldly quality to his performance. His role is complimented by the other oddballs around him. Sharon Scalzo is vivacious, endearing, and quite entertaining as Scarlett, the girl who steals “Freaky” Farley’s heart. I also really like Katie Reidy as Katie, the annoying “girl next door” who Rick, Farley’s father, is always trying to set him up with. The rest of the cast is even more awkward and strange but they all seem to fit in perfectly.

Shortly after the hour mark, Freaky Farley goes bat-shit crazy as the deadpan humor is abandoned for an even zanier tone. I was hoping the film would stay in a comfortable place forever but it does veer off into some wacky business. Yet, it didn’t lose me along the way. The grand surprise (which I won’t ruin here) is that the rules the film establishes are thrown away and things get even stranger. Thankfully there’s no winking at the camera or subterfuge of any kind. Freaky Farley never lies.

Freaky Farley is a sincere masterpiece of low budget eclecticism which resists the crassness which most horror comedies suffer from and the Kevin Smith-isms that so many indie films rely on. This isn’t the horror movie version of Clerks in Morgantown, New Hampshire. Freaky Farley takes its cue from the low budget horror pioneers of the 70s and 80s yet somehow stays innocent and barely even hints at their exploitative tendencies. I can’t wait to see what this crew does next.

“Heh, silly ninja.”

Visit the Motern Media for more info.

Baby Blood

babyblood

Baby Blood (1990)

Yanka (Emmanuelle Escourrou) works in the circus along with her abusive husband and is terribly unhappy. One night, a parasitic monster bursts out of a recently delivered leopard and goes looking for a new host. Yanka is impregnated by the creature and the next day, she flees from her husband, stealing all of the circus’ money. As the weeks go by, Yanka’s child begins to speak to her telepathically. It tells her that it needs blood to survive and it forces her to kill using the threat of pain and death to spur her on. Before long, Yanka begins to enjoy killing for her baby and finds that she is becoming more and more careless and violent in her pursuit of blood. As the time of its birth comes closer, the creature tells her that she must take it to the ocean. Yanka then makes a bloody b-line for the sea leaving a path of gore and destruction in her wake.

Okay, where did the hell did this one come from? Think of Baby Blood as a shorter and less cerebral Possession (1981) and instead of Isabelle Adjani you get Emmanuelle Escourrou. This ain’t art but somehow it works. Director Alain Robak really has it in for the viewer with this one, pouring on the gore and blood liberally while filling the film with some of the most brutish and unattractive dudes I’ve ever seen. Not to mention the repulsive sensuality (?) of our leading lady. More on that later. The plot is quite chaotic and simple but builds up quite nicely to its explosive conclusion. The cinematography by Bernard Déchet is gritty, grimy, somewhat sleazy, and workmanlike but captures all of the action perfectly.

Emmanuelle Escourrou’s performance as Yanka (mother of the year) is quite a bold and dynamic one. She is willing to strip for the camera frequently, get covered in blood, put the pillow under her dress, and wholeheartedly take part in one of the most unflattering roles I’ve ever seen. Thankfully, the rest of the cast takes Baby Blood as seriously as the lead keeping the film from getting out of hand (too late) and campy. And did you ever wonder who the ugliest man in all of France is? Well, it might just be Jean-François Gallotte who plays Richard, the ex-clown “ladies’ man”, who has the brilliant idea of attempting to start a relationship with Yanka.

As it moves erratically along, Baby Blood becomes madder and madder in its willingness to shed more and more blood as well as become even more outlandish with each scene. The very literal male-bashing becomes quite shocking as Yanka’s own bloodlust surfaces out of her child’s need. Clearly, our voluptuous gap-toothed vixen has some issues. Is Baby Blood a sloppy, slippery, and chunky feminist manifesto? You make the call, duder.

I have to put Baby Blood way up there in my top 10 Eurohorror flicks of all time. It’s also a must see for anyone who doubts the French’s ability to make quality horror. I have been infatuated with Yanka (ewww, now I feel dirty) and her grisly Cronenbergesque journey since I first caught the censored cut of this on VHS a while back as The Evil Within. Expecting mothers beware, this is a trashy tale of body horror with a serious mean streak. Baby Blood will make you feel all warm and fuzzy (and squishy and squirmy) on the inside shortly before it asks you to kill for fresh male blood but only because it wants to be born. But isn’t that what we all want?

Wicked City

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Wicked City (1992)

Tokyo has quite a crisis on its hands. There are monsters disguised as humans walking the streets and there’s an epidemic of people addicted to a drug called ‘Happiness’ which has some seriously bad side effects. Taki (played by Leon Lai) is a member of an elite anti-monster task force who has a lot of issues. His partner, Kai (Jacky Cheung), is a half-monster full of angst and his ex-girlfriend, Gaye (Michelle Reis), is a full-blooded monster who is also full of angst.

Taki’s boss has put him in charge of capturing Daishu (Tatsuya Nakadai), a monster who he believes responsible for bringing the happiness drug into Tokyo (and who also happens to be Gaye’s lover). All hell breaks loose when Daishu is captured by the anti-monster squad and Daishu’s son Shudo (Roy Cheung) decides to destroy the city. Can Taki and Kai save the day or will the differences between monsters and humans be too much for them to handle?

That is approximately 33% of the plot of Wicked City (or as I like to call it: Wacky City). This movie has so much going on that it still baffles me after multiple viewings. Double crosses and triple crosses and a duder humping a living pinball machine, this one has it all. Director Tai Kit Mak brings us a visionary splatterfest in primary colors that can barely sit still long enough to tell the viewer what the hell is going on. But then again, it’s also childishly simple in terms of character motivations and it’s pretty obvious that the writers (one of which is director Tsui Hark) don’t give a double goddamn about wallowing in the cheese in order to get this wild ass story told.

Oh, this cast is awesome. Leon Lai is great as the conflicted hero and Roy Cheung of Fight Back to School is perfect as the creepy evildoer. Jacky Cheung of A Chinese Ghost Story III gets all mopey and emo (waaa, I’m half monster, waaa!) but rises to the status of hero when the going gets tough. Prolific Japanese actor, Tatsuya Nakadai (Illusion of Blood), tries to steal the movie as the wise and completely bad ass 150 year old monster, Daishu. (But what about those lovely ladies? First up is Michelle Reis (A Chinese Ghost Story II) who kicks 100 different varieties of ass. She makes me want to find my own Happiness-addicted monstrette to call my own. Carmen Lee of Forbidden City Cop squeezes into her tight white dress oh so nicely which is probably standard issue for female anti-monster squad agents.

If you can look past the convoluted plot, great magic awaits you. The word ‘spectacle’ barely does Wicked City justice. I can pretty much guarantee you have never seen anything quite like this before. Wicked City is the bright green mango cherry Slurpee version of Blade Runner. When you need your fix of eye-popping gore sequences and hyperactive fight scenes, give this one a spin. Oh yeah, be sure to watch the dubbed version for even more insanity and I also suggest you watch Wicked City as a double feature with Johnnie To’s ridiculous epic The Heroic Trio.