Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You! (2012)

When Neil Stewart (Matt Farley), the greatest tutor Rivertown, USA has ever known, returns to town, he has to face many obstacles. You see, after being left at the altar by his fiance Emmaline (Elizabeth M. Peterson) when his claims of seeing the mythical Riverbeast made him the town laughing stock, Neil’s life fell apart. With nearly every citizen openly mocking him at every street corner with the nickname “RB” (that stands for “Riverbeast”, btw) and a shameless muckraking reporter on his heels, duder is really up against it.

But Neil is determined to get his life back. First, he moves in with his best friend, Teddy Hollingsworth (Tom Scalzo), who has been living in near-seclusion since Neil left town and not pursuing his path as a guitar-plucking busker. Next, Neil starts tutoring again as well as trying to get his ex-fiance back (even though she’s engaged to the biggest jerk in all of Rivertown).

Out of pure desperation, Neil hires big game hunter/ladies’ man Ito Hootkins (Jim Farley) to help him capture the Riverbeast and prove to Emmaline and the residents of Rivertown that he is not a crazy kook. When that plan backfires and he gets blamed for a series of murders committed by the Riverbeast (yep, it’s real), things are looking even worse for Neil. But all is not lost. With the help of his fellow tutors and his plucky pupil (and wannabe reporter), Allie Stone (Sharon Scalzo), Neil is going to put an end to all this Riverbeast business once and for all.

When was the last time you spent 99 minutes away from your terrible life with something good? Why don’t you just forget your troubles and give yourself to the happy homemade bafflement of Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You!? I did and look how great I’m doing. I’ve been a huge fan of director Charles Roxburgh, Matt Farley, and company since Freaky Farley and this entry in their oddball canon does not disappoint.

The camerawork lovingly captures the beautiful New England landscape and the writing is genius. All of the dialog is outstanding and characters say some insanely elaborate sentences that are just mind-blowing. There are moments so strange and so droll that I thought I was hallucinating. Who knows, maybe I was. The monster suit is cheesy but also quite impressive and the music is excellent. You’ll be humming “River Party Days” long after you hear it.

If you dig indie horror films in the least, then you need to swing by Rivertown, USA. You’ll be glad you did. Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You! is an eccentric, zany, family friendly (and I mean that as a compliment), and laugh-out-loud funny horror film with a positive message and a gaggle of kooky characters. The film even features one of those warning systems that go off whenever something monster-related is about to occur. The screen will flash red letting you know it’s time to cover your eyes but peek through fingers just a little bit.

“Ah yes, the ever elusive Riverbeast. Half ape, half reptile, half I don’t know what.”

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