Zombies

Zombie Night

Zombie Night (2013)

Patrick (Anthony Michael Hall) and his wife Birdy (Darryl Hannah) must fight for their lives and the lives of their children during a zombie outbreak. If you feel as though you need to know more about the plot of this film then let me assure you that you don’t. Look, I’m on your side. Don’t get all riled up, duder. Just relax and keep reading.

To the credit of director John Gulager (Feast), Zombie Night wastes no time getting started. In fact, I found it very amusing how people start looting the city immediately. There’s lots of cringe-inducing acting and super awkward moments from the cast. The script is insanely silly and there are so many inexplicable moments that will amuse you if you’re the kind of crazy and insane weirdo who thinks bad movies are funny. There are some tense scenes and effective moments but the rest of the ghoulish goings-on are greatly goofy.

The cast is an 80s dream with Anthony Michael Hall, Darryl Hannah, Alan Ruck, and Shirley Jones- Wait a minute! Shirley Jones, what are you doing here? Oh, you’re trying to break the world’s record for overacting? Good luck! Some of the zombie makeup is pretty good and some is really bad. Speaking of inconsistent, the movie sets up some strange rules for the zombies. Does a zombie bite make you turn into a zombie or not? Why does the sun coming up mean that the zombie apocalypse will be over?

I’ve probably already said too much about this film. Beyond the surprise that Syfy Channel made something this watchable, there isn’t any reason for you to go out of your way to watch this. A zombie movie is a zombie is a zombie movie but you’ll get a few laughs at all the stupid shit that doesn’t make sense and there is enough atmosphere and gut-munching to keep you from getting too bored.

“You just think the best of people, baby. Don’t ever let them take that away from you.”

More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead

More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead (2011)

For personal reasons, Return of the Living Dead disturbs me greatly but I still love it. More Brains! A Return to the Living Dead is a documentary on the making of the classic and influential 1985 zombie punk rock splatterfest. The documentary is also therapeutic and a proven psychiatric tool for me because it helped me to first realize and then to conquer my fears of ROTLD.

This documentary is a charming, funny, and nostalgic look at the production with outrageous and sometimes painful stories from the cast and crew. The hilarious true story surrounding Linnea Quigley’s genital-obscuring latex plug (their term, not mine) alone is worth the price of admission. More Brains! also has a huge amount of production stills and home video taken on the set which really gives one the feel for what it was like to be a part of the making of the film.

If you love Return of the Living Dead, if you hate Return of the Living Dead, or if you’ve never even seen Return of the Living Dead, this documentary will still be fascinating for you. This is one of the most comprehensive documentaries on a film I’ve ever seen and I think the DVD is absolutely essential for fans of the film. My therapist says that More Brains! is responsible for all the progress I’ve made in the last few days and that he refuses to accept any more of my money. Now that is one powerful documentary.

Black Demons (1991)

College students, Kevin (Keith Van Hoven), Jessica (Sonia Curtis), and her brother Dick (Joe Balogh), are traveling through Brazil. Dick decides to take part in a black magic ritual and he becomes cursed. The trio’s jeep breaks down and they are escorted to a villa by two friendly travelers. Dick finds a nearby gravesite containing the bodies of six murdered slaves and awakens them. The slaves rise up from the ground armed with various pointy objects and the urge to slaughter anyone who is unlucky enough to be hanging around. Maria (played by Maria Alves), the servant and resident practitioner of magic, does all she can to protect everyone from the evil that Dick has awakened.

Umberto Lenzi, is that you? From the director of Seven Bloodstained Orchids, Eyeball, and Ghosthouse, comes the unfortunately-titled Black Demons. A straightforward plot (read as only a handful of loose ends) and beautiful Brazilian locations fooled me for a moment into thinking Lenzi might just have pulled off something of a minor classic here. However, bland lighting and a forgettable soundtrack by Franco Micalizzi combined with a cast of wildly irritating actors hinder the film from being a return to the glory days of Italian horror.

Speaking of bland, Keith Van Hoven (House of Clocks) turns up as our hero, Kevin. While he’s not the worst of the lot, the guy is frighteningly dull. From the moment she opens her mouth, soap opera and sitcom actress Sonia Curtis, is unfathomably awful as Jessica. If only the producers had hired a competent voice actress to dub over Curtis’s thinly delivered lines then we’d only be stuck with her vacant stare to contend with. Then we have Philip Murray as Jose the mumbler and Juliana Texeira as “just plain” Sonia. Two annoying characters whose death scenes inspire sighs of relief, if not some cheering.

Joe Balogh (Hitcher in the Dark) actually won me over with his portrayal of Dick, Jessica’s haunted and ultimately cursed brother. The scene where he takes part in a Macumba ritual is the best directed in the movie and Balogh is definitely up to the task. Brazilian actress Maria Alves easily has the best performance in the film. I only wish her character, Maria, could have survived long enough to get us through the rest of the dang flick. Alves spends most of her screentime looking completely terrified but it works.

Oddly enough, Lenzi refers to Black Demons as his masterpiece during an interview in the book, “Spaghetti Nightmares”. Well, I just don’t know how to interpret that one. The pace of this film is drowsy at best and despite some occasionally inspired camerawork, fluid editing, cool zombie makeup, and somewhat gory (and well-staged) deaths, I don’t see how any director could interpret this as their masterpiece. While not the worst of his horror contributions, Lenzi has done much, much better. If nothing else, Black Demons is a decent little time waster.

“You know, Kevin, you really get up my nose!”

The Grapes of Death

The Grapes of Death (1978)

Marie-Georges Pascal plays Élisabeth, a young lady traveling by train to her village of Roubelais to see her fiancé. On the way there, her companion is murdered by a maniacal man with sores all over his face. Élisabeth jumps from the train far from her destination in order to escape. As she makes her way home, Élisabeth discovers that the countryside is populated by zombie-like people that try to murder her at every opportunity. She meets some damned souls along the way including a seemingly benevolent woman (Brigitte Lahaie) living in the mayor’s house. Two men unaffected by the zombie plague come to Élisabeth’s rescue and take her to Roubelais where she thinks they will be all safe. Unfortunately, the three of them discover the source of the evil resides in their destination.

Jean Rollin (The Living Dead Girl, Night of the Hunted) directs this incredible quasi-zombie feature. Grapes of Death is atmospheric, darkly moody, and very, very bloody. The film is put together with a great deal of care. All of the scenery is gorgeous, the lighting is excellent, and the editing is very tight. The pace is leisurely but never tiring and the ending only leaves you wanting more. The soundtrack is an interesting one, loaded with synthesizer oddness and fits the film perfectly. While not all of the gore is well done, there are some memorable moments in the splatter category. It’s difficult to criticize any film’s effects crew when there’s a severed head makeout scene. Obviously, their heart is in the right place.

Speaking of atmosphere, Grapes of Death lays it on as thick as molasses or pus from a zombie’s sore. The movie has a quiet intensity and is effectively creepy throughout. There are also some bitter ironies that give this film a cruelty that Rollin is so good at delivering (see The Living Dead Girl). The fate of the innocent and blind Lucy at the hands of her caregiver and lover is very twisted and very memorable. The plague in this film turns kind people into killers and even their own families aren’t safe from their need to kill. The zombies themselves seem subdued and appear to be sleepwalking until they set their sights on some human prey when they become murderous and bloodthirsty.

All of the actors in Grapes of Death take the proceedings very seriously and give very good performances. Marie-Georges Pascal is an excellent protagonist. Élisabeth is a strong character but not without the frailties of a human being thrust into a bizarre situation who believes that everything will be all right if she can just get home. It is a damn shame that Pascal didn’t do more horror movies during her short lifetime. Of course, the presence of the mind-bendingly sexy Brigitte Lahaie never hurt any film and the fact that she plays such a manipulative and monstrous character makes her presence even more pleasing.

Fans of Jean Rollin absolutely have to check out Grapes of Death, you won’t be disappointed. Zombie aficionados will be pleased as well due in part to this film’s similar feel to the superb Let Sleeping Corpses Lie. This film is loaded from beginning to end with horror and its tone is unrelentingly weird. There are enough gore sequences and oozing zombie sores (which looks like peanut butter and jelly) to please any gore-fiend. My only criticism is that the film’s emotional side may not click with all viewers. Oh, look, the French zombie is crying. Boohoo!

The Swamp of the Ravens

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The Swamp of the Ravens (1974)

Dr. Frosta (Ramiro Oliveros) has been conducting illegal and immoral experiments on the recently deceased in an effort to conquer death and perfect the mental control of his subjects. All that Simone (Marcia Bichette), his estranged girlfriend, knows is that the doctor works too hard and doesn’t give her enough attention. The police inspector (played by Fernando Sancho) assigned to the case is getting closer and closer to catching and stopping Dr. Frosta. The obsessive doctor is pushed over the edge when Simone starts seeing another man and he decides to use her as his next test subject.

I was lead to The Swamp of the Ravens by this poster. Much like the video-store days of my youth, clever and beautifully morbid artwork have steered me wrong in the best way possible. While very, very far from obscure Spanish horror perfection, the film does deliver on the fog-enshrouded swamp and the ravens. Well, there are some ravens. Mostly, the swamp is populated by buzzards. Anyway, let’s get down to business.

The eerie mood and the sickening tone of this film communicate one thing: death is everywhere. I still can’t believe that director Manuel Caño is the same guy who brought us the inept and idiotic Voodoo Black Exorcist. He really outdoes himself here by taking a film with a lame, somewhat confusing, and tired plot and filling it with an atmosphere so heavy, it’s suffocating. A classic horror tale unfurling in a somnambulitic 70s haze? Oh, I’m already there, duder. Oh yeah, and that badass cinematography comes from Manuel Merino of Horror Rises from the Tomb and Vampyros Lesbos.

Most of the cast doesn’t do much for me but the intense Ramiro Oliveros (Cannibal Apocalypse, The Pyjama Girl Case) works as Dr. Frosta. And Fernando Sancho makes for a great police inspector who perfectly delivers some dark humor. Marcia Bichette is pretty good as Dr. Frosta’s imperiled girlfriend but only shines when it’s time for her to scream.

The film’s fiery finale would be more satisfying if the damn thing had ended there. I won’t give anything away but let me just say that the final wrap-up is completely awful. Instead of a horde of Dr. Frosta’s zombies going on a rampage we get something much, much cheaper. Oh well, can’t win ’em all! Another unfortunate misstep is that The Swamp of the Ravens has a pretty slow pace but I barely even noticed because this flick is so grim and so odd. What’s that? Necrophilia and a (supposedly) real autopsy? Now, you’ve got my attention!

“I don’t like buzzards. They are birds of death.”

Zeder

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Zeder AKA Revenge of the Dead (1983)

After receiving a used typewriter for an anniversary present, Stefano (Gabriele Lavia) discovers a bizarre treatise on raising the dead imprinted on the ribbon. He convinces his wife, Alessandra (Anne Canovas), and his best friend, Guido (Alessandro Partexano), to aid him in his search for the “K Zones”, areas where the dead return to life. Meanwhile, a group of scientists are conducting their own research in this phenomenon with deadly results. As Stefano gets closer to finding the truth, he uncovers a conspiracy which someone is willing to kill in order to keep hidden.

Pupi Avati (The House with the Laughing Windows) directs this superb and very odd little horror film. The eccentricities of Zeder come mainly from how the film never really moves when and in what direction you expect it to. Even the brilliant (though wholly bizarre) soundtrack by Riz Ortolani (Seven Deaths in the Cat’s Eye) defies expectations by laying out a Goblin-like bass riff that gives way to a seriously maladjusted string arrangement.

The plot gets shaky as the scenes with the scientists don’t quite gel with those of Stefano. I think the problem lies in the amount of mystery surrounding their research. I’m glad the film doesn’t go too far explaining every little detail but I’m just left wanting more. I like it when movies do that.

Gabriele Lavia (Deep Red, Beyond the Door) plays Stefano, another one of Avati’s damned heroes (see Laughing Windows), perfectly. It is amazing to watch Lavia as Stefano, this obsessive character who becomes intrigued by a mystery only to be totally consumed by it. Another doomed individual is Dr. Goodman, played by Paola Tanziani, whose contact with the undead left her physically and emotionally scarred. I really dig this actress and it astounds me that didn’t make anymore films after this one.

Wow, Zeder has slowly crawled its way into my top ten favorite Italian horror films of all time. I rented this film under the misleading Revenge of the Dead title at my local video store when I was a kid and it really didn’t sit well with me. Aside from disappointment of the zombie onslaught the VHS cover art promised, I was genuinely creeped out by this one. Zeder managed to stay with me years after watching it. The idea that death is a patient creature willing to let you sprint ahead only to catch you the moment you collapse combined with its amusement at humankind’s futile attempts to escape the inevitable is some dang creepy shit.

What we’ve got here is Zeder, an atypical zombie film. Sure, there’s a couple of undead creatures wreaking havoc in Bologna but don’t expect any brain-eating, flesh-eating, or gunshots to the head. Like I said before, this film does not behave in a normal horror movie manner but that is exactly what makes it so awesome. Patient viewers will be rewarded with a sense of dread that only the Italians know how to deliver. Nice job, Pupi.

Ghoul School

ghoulschool-1990

Ghoul School (1990)

A couple of criminals sneak into a high school to shake down the janitor for some money he owes them. They accidentally unleash a toxic chemical into the water supply. Two horror movie fans, Steve (played by William Friedman) and Jeff (Scott Gordon), discover that their school’s swim team has been turned into flesh-eating zombies. Just as they are about to make their escape, they realize that the metal band, The Bloodsucking Ghouls, are still in the auditorium, practicing for the school dance. Steve and Jeff make their way back through the zombie-infested school in order to rescue the band.

Holy crap! What an utterly hideous viewing experience! Now just hold on a sec, there’s something important here. If you revel in the extreme mullets, the odious fashions, and the cheesed-out heavy metal of the 1980s then Ghoul School might just be for you. The film is as cheap as they come (but they had squibs!) with performances only a mother could love. Keep your eyes peeled for legitimate cheeseball Ivan Sergei as the worst basketball player on Earth and character actor Richard Bright as Principal Kaplan (my favorite character).

Ghoul School comes to a grinding halt very early on once Joe Franklin and Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling have a scene together. The excuse for the film to feature Franklin is thin enough already (he is the speaker at a pep rally?) without an extended scene of he and Martling shticking it up. What high school student is able to appreciate the subtle comedic styling of Joe Franklin? I’m serious. The jump cuts indicate that this scene between these two jokers was probably even longer than it turned out here and that is some scary shit. Somehow the film recovers.

Elements of Return of the Living Dead and Class of Nuke ‘Em High are liberally borrowed but that’s only part of the problem. The fact that they play the same punk song over many of the gore scenes doesn’t help matters much and EVERYONE’S SHOUTING. However, those of you out there who seek out all this straight-to-video junk, Ghoul School will have its merits. The film has its own dumb energy that keeps right on through until the end but most viewers will walk away wondering why they bothered. Watch at your own risk.