Invitation to Hell (1984)

The Winslow family has relocated so that Matt, the dad (Robert Urich), can start his new job at an electronics corporation called Micro-Digitech. His special talent with electronics will be applied to a new spacesuit the company is developing. This heat resistant spacesuit is equipped with a deadly laser, a flamethrower, and sensors that can detect whether or not a being is human or not. Hmm, I wonder if that will come in handy later?

The Winslows have a beautiful home in an idyllic neighborhood but things aren’t all that they seem. Jessica Jones (Susan Lucci), director of the Steaming Springs country club keeps encouraging Matt and his family to join. But this is no ordinary country club. The membership fee is very reasonable; it will only cost you your soul! Matt is able to resist the temptations of Steamy Springs but his dumb family are a bunch of selfish twits who don’t know any better. Now he has to put on a friggin’ spacesuit and go save them.

Released only months before A Nightmare on Elm Street destroyed the world, Invitation to Hell is one of Wes Craven’s best failures. Like his pitiful Deadly Friend, this cheesy and incredibly dated made-for-TV movie bears absolutely no resemblance to other Craven classics like Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes. I’m just now discovering a bunch of these little televised gems from Craven’s body of work for myself and so far I’m not regretting it at all.

Screenwriter Richard Rothstein (who went on to write Universal Soldier) did most of the damage so I guess it really doesn’t matter who directed this thing. The plot is laughably generic and the camp value hits great heights once Matt’s family gets possessed by demons. The goofy special effects (mostly fog machines, lasers and matte paintings) are never very impressive but are a helluva lotta fun, especially in the film’s not-so-climactic climax.

Oh man, the cast is like so totally awesome. Robert Urich, super macho badass of the century, plays something of a wimp in this one. Matt takes way more shit than he should but makes up for it with a few blasts from his laser gun. Joanna Cassidy (of Bladerunner) plays his sweet but materialistic wife who turns into a vicious vamp once she gets possessed. Soleil Moon Frye is so adorable as their daughter, Crissy, especially when she starts talking in that demonic voice. The shit is priceless. Even Joe Regalbuto (always good at playing a sleazeball) and the friggin’ amazing Kevin McCarthy (of UHF and The Howling) are also in this one. Yet it is Susan Lucci who steals the show as Jessica Jones (sounds like a porn name), the megabitch from hell.

All of you fabulous purveyors of silly 80s crap, need to get your hands on Invitation to Hell. This little throwaway TV blunder is pretty dang awesome if you’re willing to let it steal your soul for a little while. The super sweet ending proves once and for all that only love can conquer the forces of evil. No, I’m serious. Without love, evil country clubs will take a hot steaming demonic dump on your family. Especially your children. Is that what you want? A bunch of Satan’s excrement on your kids? Fine, be that way.

“We are the winners. We have to get rid of the losers.”