1990s horror

Tell Me Something

Tell Me Something (1999)

A series of hideous yet insidiously precise murders are taking place in the city and two detectives, Cho and Oh (played by Suk-kyu Han and Hang-Seon Jang, respectively) are on the case. The clues lead them to a lovely artist named Chae (Eun-ha Shim), who was romantically involved with all of the victims. She tells them about Ki-yeon (Jun-Sang Yu), her possessive ex, who happens to be a surgeon and has the medical knowledge to pull off the crimes.

Of course, things aren’t so simple. Detective Cho, the younger of the two cops, is a mess. Internal affairs has been after his ass for years over some screw-up from his past. And he can’t resist the morose charms of Chae, the poster child for damaged goods. Will he be able to keep his head (both of them) on straight and solve this case before anyone else ends up sliced and diced and on display for the world to see?

I first heard about this film (directed by Youn-hyun Chang) while reading an old Videoscope magazine and it sounded intriguing. Tell Me Something is a gruesome little thriller with some giallo influence for sure. The acting from all involved is very good. My only complaints are that the film is wee bit pretentious (though it is earned for the most part), the pacing lags a bit towards the end, and the score is pretty dated. But even with those minor quibbles, I’m glad I checked this one out. There is a lot of tension, ghastly gore setpieces, and the atmosphere is gritty and full of dread. Recommended despite its minor flaws.

Beauty Queen Butcher (1991)

Poor compulsive eater Phyllis Loden (played by Rhona Brody). She is the butt of every joke in her high school. Her only friend (and fellow nerd), Paul (Matthew Speak), encourages Phyllis to pursue her dream of winning the Miss Slough Queen Pageant. Unfortunately, the chips are stacked against her as the pageant organizer, Betty Prunish (Jim Boggess), is appalled that such an unlikely contestant would dare enter her beauty pageant. Prunish encourages the cruelties of the other, more desirable contestants to get her to drop out. However, the other girls push her too far and Phyllis goes on a rampage, killing anyone who stands in way of her donning the crown of Miss Slough Queen.

Oh man, with a mean streak that is about a mile wide, Beauty Queen Butcher is a rough one. Guilt, bemusement, embarrassment, laughter, and boredom; all of these can be yours, dear viewer. This film’s biggest flaw is its nearly 2 hour running time. Economy of storytelling is not one of director/co-writer Jill Zurborg’s strongest points. While it moves along at a fairly decent pace, it takes over an hour before any (nearly gore-free) butchering takes place.

One of my favorite gags that was old even back in 1991, the unacknowledged transvestite, is alive and well here in Beauty Queen Butcher. Betty Prunish played quite ingratiatingly by Jim Boggess is quite an awful sight to behold even for the legally blind. Phyllis and Paul are well played by Rhona Brody and Matthew Speak. There is an odd concoction of self-pity, psychotic grandeur, and romantic tension happening here. Hey Paul, could you stop being such an enabler? Phyllis doesn’t need pizza or Twinkies, she needs love!

The rest of the cast is game for this strange flick. One of the things that adds to the running time are all the evil high school girls who stand in Phyllis’s way. We get to watch as she eliminates them all, one by one. All of these folks are funny but man, we need to get moving here. Actually, the only character I could have totally done without is the milk-guzzling private eye, Dick Richards.

Beauty Queen Butcher is a tongue-in-cheek and politically incorrect horror comedy if there ever was one. It is some sweet early 90s goodness that will most likely develop a bigger fan base now that it has made it to DVD. The film delivers that sickening sheen that only a shot-on-video flick can with a low budget charm that never backs down. While I’ll never be able to let the 2 hour running time bit go, I have to admit that I’ve been won over by the sad tale of Phyliss Loden. Now pass the Twinkies.

“Smooth movie, fatty!”

Black Demons (1991)

College students, Kevin (Keith Van Hoven), Jessica (Sonia Curtis), and her brother Dick (Joe Balogh), are traveling through Brazil. Dick decides to take part in a black magic ritual and he becomes cursed. The trio’s jeep breaks down and they are escorted to a villa by two friendly travelers. Dick finds a nearby gravesite containing the bodies of six murdered slaves and awakens them. The slaves rise up from the ground armed with various pointy objects and the urge to slaughter anyone who is unlucky enough to be hanging around. Maria (played by Maria Alves), the servant and resident practitioner of magic, does all she can to protect everyone from the evil that Dick has awakened.

Umberto Lenzi, is that you? From the director of Seven Bloodstained Orchids, Eyeball, and Ghosthouse, comes the unfortunately-titled Black Demons. A straightforward plot (read as only a handful of loose ends) and beautiful Brazilian locations fooled me for a moment into thinking Lenzi might just have pulled off something of a minor classic here. However, bland lighting and a forgettable soundtrack by Franco Micalizzi combined with a cast of wildly irritating actors hinder the film from being a return to the glory days of Italian horror.

Speaking of bland, Keith Van Hoven (House of Clocks) turns up as our hero, Kevin. While he’s not the worst of the lot, the guy is frighteningly dull. From the moment she opens her mouth, soap opera and sitcom actress Sonia Curtis, is unfathomably awful as Jessica. If only the producers had hired a competent voice actress to dub over Curtis’s thinly delivered lines then we’d only be stuck with her vacant stare to contend with. Then we have Philip Murray as Jose the mumbler and Juliana Texeira as “just plain” Sonia. Two annoying characters whose death scenes inspire sighs of relief, if not some cheering.

Joe Balogh (Hitcher in the Dark) actually won me over with his portrayal of Dick, Jessica’s haunted and ultimately cursed brother. The scene where he takes part in a Macumba ritual is the best directed in the movie and Balogh is definitely up to the task. Brazilian actress Maria Alves easily has the best performance in the film. I only wish her character, Maria, could have survived long enough to get us through the rest of the dang flick. Alves spends most of her screentime looking completely terrified but it works.

Oddly enough, Lenzi refers to Black Demons as his masterpiece during an interview in the book, “Spaghetti Nightmares”. Well, I just don’t know how to interpret that one. The pace of this film is drowsy at best and despite some occasionally inspired camerawork, fluid editing, cool zombie makeup, and somewhat gory (and well-staged) deaths, I don’t see how any director could interpret this as their masterpiece. While not the worst of his horror contributions, Lenzi has done much, much better. If nothing else, Black Demons is a decent little time waster.

“You know, Kevin, you really get up my nose!”

Night Angel

Night Angel (1990)

The newest model at Siren Magazine just happens to be Lilith (Isa Jank), a man-devouring demon. Despite the fact that the leading men at the magazine office are being killed in horrible ways, a new romance springs up between Siren reporter Craig (Linden Ashby) and jewelry designer (and boss’s daughter) Kirstie (Debra Feuer). Soon, Craig and Kirstie discover that everyone at Siren Magazine has become obsessed with Lilith and are becoming increasingly deranged and violent. The two are approached by Sadie (Helen Martin), an old mystic whose husband was devoured by Lilith many years ago. Sadie vows to destroy the demon before she breaths her final breath. When Kirstie is kidnapped by one of Lilith’s zombie-like followers, it is up to Craig and Sadie to send her back to Hell.

Oh, Night Angel, where have you been all my life? Probably at the video store. This film is one of those forehead-slappers I should have checked out ages ago. Directed by Dominique Othenin-Girard (Halloween 5, After Darkness), this very odd film goes the distance with strangeness, trashiness, as well as some eye-opening gore and special effects sequences. The writing is decent enough despite some thinly conceived characters and wince-inducing dialogue. Camerawork by David Lewis (Night of the Demons) is excellent with some tricky editing (read as: pointless slow motion) from Jerry Brady (also Halloween 5).

The acting isn’t great but it’s serviceable considering the material. Isa Jank gets pretty hot and heavy (well her blatantly obvious body double does anyway) in her role as the evil Lilith. Linden Ashby (of Mortal Kombat fame) is here to play our hero-ish guy, Craig. Debra Feuer is suitable as his love interest, Kirstie (yawn). Ken, the resident nerd, is played by Doug Jones (Hellboy) who grows quite creepy after he is enslaved by Lilith. The wildly prolific cult actress, Karen Black (Trilogy of Terror, The Pyx), turns in an outlandish performance as Rita, editor of Siren Magazine. Then there’s sassy Sadie, played by Helen Martin who’s been in everything from Death Wish to “Good Times” to Repo Man to 50 other thankless bit parts.

What amazes me about Night Angel is just how outrageous it gets. Subtle it is not! Just when I thought things were starting to slow down, the film goes bonkers. There’s a nightmarish bondage orgy-like scene with poor Craig looking awfully disturbed as all kinds of monstrosities are rolled out merely for the sake of some sweaty soft-focus weirdness. There is a gifted (well endowed, that is) young actress named Susie Sparks (of Smothering Tits 1 and 2) who plays a character called “Woman with Faces under Breasts”. Mm-hmm, you get the idea. Don’t listen to all those knuckleheads on IMDB, this one satisfies all your deepest darkest desires of late 80s horror (or early 1990s horror) and then some.

“Oh my gosh, would you look at the rib melons on this babe!”

Baptism of Blood

Baptism of Blood (1996)

Beautiful film actress Matsuko Uehara (Risa Akikawa) goes into hiding after she develops a disfiguring skin disease. She and Dr. Edmond Meredith (Tatsuya Go) plan to use his brain transplant machine to give her a younger body. Fifteen years later, they finally have the perfect specimen: Matsuko’s teenage daughter Sakura (played by Rie Imamura). As if Sakura didn’t have enough problems what with her lecherous piano teacher, Masahiko (Chihiro Tago), she now has to deal with her mom’s body-snatching? Geez!

Kenichi Yoshihara directs Baptism of Blood, a film that is proof that sometimes things are obscure for a reason and your directorial debut can also be your swan song. Okay, maybe I’m being a little hasty here. Yoshihara hasn’t made a film in 21 years but after this one, I have to say he’s probably done. Anyway… What Baptism of Blood lacks in plot, acting, and pacing, it (nearly) makes up for in all out kookiness. The film sports a low budget (except where gore effects are involved) and ultra-minimal sets that actually work in its favor.

There are these weird moments when the planets align and this film actually kicks out the jams for a moment or two. The scene where Sakura (with Matsuko’s brain in her body) threatens Kazuyo’s baby carriage (with her baby inside it!) with a minivan is amazing. There’s also a beautiful bitch-slap session when Matsuko pummels one of Sakura’s friends for accidentally scratching her perfect face. Reverse Oscar for everyone involved! Do they make Academy Award statues sitting on a little gold toilet? Boy, I’d love to hand those bastards out!

If you have an unequivocal love of Japanese horror films then Baptism of Blood will either stretch it to the breaking point or kill it completely. You will be as astounded by the absence of an even remotely mediocre ending as you will by the audaciousness of the phallicized brain switching machine. So that’s where the money went! Straight to the big black penis apparatus! Thank you, thesaurus.

Oh, if only the plot have held out we might have a minor bad classic on our hands. The film is quite kinky and sometimes just plain wrong. The whole thing with 15 year old Sakura (with Matsuko’s brain in her body!) sleeping with her piano teacher… No comment. The clunkiness of the script, the not-so-subtle perverse themes, the unintentional hilarity, and some nasty gore scenes make this an interesting viewing experience to say the least. I’m going to go out on a limb here and actually say that I actually really like this one but please, please understand how terrible this is before you muster up the courage to face the misleadingly titled Baptism of Blood.

Nightmare Zone

Nightmare Zone (1998)

This trilogy of horror stories begins when May Ho (Emily Kwan) becomes bored and calls her family’s old phone number only to find herself on the other line. In the next story, Mr. Tin (Lai Yiu Cheung) and his wife, Lily (Cheung Yuen Man), are just trying to get by in their failing marriage and squalid apartment. Tin’s urge to murder innocent people after they even slightly offend him and Lily’s need to carry a meat cleaver around with her at all times don’t help matters much. Lastly, Simon Chu (Max Mok) is haunted by dreams of the past and finds that the only one who can help him is the con artist, Feng Chin (Yvonne Yung).

I can’t even say “Nightmare Zone” without screaming, falling to my knees, and shaking my fists at the sky. Director Yuk Jan Lee’s horrifyingly bland and terrifyingly lame Nightmare Zone runs less than 90 minutes but feels just under 90 years long. Come to think of it, other than some stylish (yet very brief) moments in the cinematography department and amusing flubs in the subtitles (“Yeah, human is never up to the Heaven.”), there is nothing even remotely valuable about watching this picture. Well? Hold on, maybe I can come up with something.

The first story is filmed very nicely in a moody blue hue. Unfortunately, the script is gray and tan paisley. The unluckily named, May Ho (played by Emily Kwan of The Untold Story and Dr. Lamb), goes goth while feeling lonely without her boyfriend around (codependent!). Pretty sad to watch someone bottoming out in Hong Kong because she called herself and herself answered the phone. Confused? You won’t be but you’ll wish you were. May’s whipped boyfriend, Chi On, is sufficiently dreamy but man, get a life. The finale at the “Tin Tin Building” couldn’t come any sooner with an open or closed ending that hurts if I think about it too much. Not a good way to start the trilogy.

The best story of the three (and that isn’t saying much) is up next. The story of Mr. Tin (Lai Yui Cheung of The Stewardess) and his crazy wife has the plot of a Cat III flick but none of the extreme sex and violence. This is a damn shame since the best performances in Nightmare Zone are wasted on a tame and bloodless storyline. Other than a couple of quick murder scenes and some implied cannibalism, we’re left with a quick and unsatisfying ending to a decent story.

They saved the best for the last if you happen to hate entertainment. The gorgeous Yvonne Yung (Chinese Torture Chamber) plays Feng Chin, a fake psychic who cheats people out of their hard earned money. It’s amazing to watch such a beautiful woman playing a money-grubbing scumbag like this. Poor Simon Chu (Max Mok of Ghost Fever), he has to follow this biznitch around and try to find the answer to his dreams. Hell of a hobby. The ending will simply not stop taking its sweet time wrapping up and pretty soon the whole thing just induces giggles and eye-gouging.

If you feel you have to see every Asian horror movie ever made then put this one at the top of your list so you can get it over with quickly. Nightmare Zone gives all Hong Kong horror movies a bad name just by its very existence. I keep trying to figure out why I have watched this one twice when twice is three times too many. That’s it, screw this, I’m going out to have some “monkey affairs” of my own, whatever that means.

Office Killer

Office Killer (1997)

Carol Kane plays Dorine Douglas, a proofreader for the struggling magazine, Constant Consumer. One night, while working late to get an article finished on time, Dorine accidentally electrocutes blowhard Gary (David Thornton), one of her co-workers. Instead of calling the police, Dorine takes Gary’s body home, unbeknownst to her crippled and senile mother (played by Alice Drummond).

Now, Dorine is bent on removing all the cruel and dishonest workers from her office. One of the writers, Kim (Molly Ringwald) sees right through Dorine’s mousy exterior but can’t find any proof of foul play. Norah (Jeanne Tripplehorne), a consultant who is responsible for the company’s downsizing, soon learns that her embezzlement may carry a punishment worse than prison once Dorine finds out.

The multi-talented Cindy Sherman directs this very quirky and dark horror comedy. Despite its hokey and often unbelievable plot, the amount of style dedicated to Office Killer is incredible. The many subtle, quiet moments and creepy scenes mix very well with the campy feel of the storyline. The cinematography of Russell Lee Fine is sharp and well realized, often giving the film a documentary feel.

Carol Kane (When a Stranger Calls, Pandemonium) is perfect as the very disturbed Dorine. Kane really cranks up the crazy dial, especially during the scenes in which she talks to the corpses in her basement. Molly Ringwald does a fair job of playing the skeptical and bitchy Kim but comes off as overly whiny and distracting in places. The beautiful Jeanne Tripplehorne also has some trouble with the role of Norah and her performance seems forced. Luckily, Tripplehorne gets it together for the film’s climax and portrays a thoroughly terrified and desperate person.

Although it has its faults, Office Killer is a fun horror flick. Some of the performances are too mechanical and the plot has some stretches of the imagination. But its offbeat style will appeal to those looking for something strange to watch. Surprisingly, there are some gory and brutal moments that add to the pulp novel feel of the film. I can only hope that Cindy Sherman returns to the genre and delivers another pulpy and goopy horror flick.

Embalming

embalming

Embalming (1999)

Reiko Takashima plays Miyako Murakami, an embalmer who discovers a needle in the eye socket of the corpse of a young man named Yoshiki, the son of a prominent official, believed to be a suicide. The same day, Miyako is threatened by a religious crackpot named Chief Jion (Kojiro Hongo) because he believes that embalming is a sin. While she is away at this meeting, thieves using knockout gas steal Yoshiki’s head from his body from the hospital in broad daylight.

Her suspicions raised, Miyako shows the needle to Detective Hiraoka (Yutaka Matsushige) who is now convinced that there is more to the case than simply suicide. One of the key suspects is Dr. Fuji (Toshio Shiba), a once-prominent surgeon who now works in the black market organ trade. Soon, clues point to the Yoshiki’s girlfriend, Rika (Hitomi Miwa), as the one who not only stole the head but also has an even more awful secret to hide. As Miyako and Hiraoka dig deeper into the details of the case and the number of suspects grows, they enter a situation even more dangerous than they could have imagined.

Shinji Aoyama masterfully directs this enthralling and complicated film. EM – Embalming evokes a cold and clinical theme with its emotionally detached characters, brooding music, and nonchalant presentation of an embalmer’s trade. The camera never shies away from the gruesome tasks of Miyako or Dr. Fuji and the effects are well done.

The acting in the film is top notch. Reiko Takashima is a fine actress, able to portray a character confronted with death on a daily basis but still vulnerable to uncovering her past. Veteran actor Kojiro Hongo (Wrath Of Daimajin, Destroy All Planets) puts in an unsettling performance as the hypocritical and Jim Jones wannabe, Chief Jion. The scene-stealing award goes to Yutaka Matsushige (Ringu, One Missed Call) whose sniffling and wisecracking Detective Hiraoka adds some much needed noir-inspired characterization to the ensemble. The part of Rika is played by Hitomi Miwa (Ju-on, Crazy Lips) and is no easy task given the complexity of the character. The cast is rounded off by a dual role from Masatoshi Matsuo (Tomie: Replay, Kaïro).

The outrageous plot contains layers of storyline, numerous flashbacks, and even doubling of certain characters to keep the audience on their toes. The mystery of EM – Embalming may be confusing the first time around but not unpleasantly. This is a wholly satisfying film and is rewarding with each viewing so picking up those missed details doesn’t feel like a chore. This is a challenging film but one that delivers with its grotesque embalming scenes and moments of extreme violence. Gorehounds will be richly rewarded by these sequences but this film has so much more to offer. The grim tone is effectively contagious and will stick with the viewer long after the film is over.

Eccentric characters, a haunting soundtrack, and clever cinematography also serve to make EM – Embalming an unforgettable film experience. It’s plotting is over the top but is braced with rich imagery and impeccable performances from the cast. Although director Shinji Aoyama has been at work for many years, this film is a sign that he has much more to offer Japanese film fanatics in the future.

 

The Guard from Underground

guardfromunderground

The Guard from Underground (1992)

Akiko Narushima (Makiko Kuno) just started her new job in the art acquisition department of the Akebono Corporation and things couldn’t be weirder. The department doesn’t exist according to her unfriendly coworkers and the management is no help at all. Mr. Kurume (Ren Osugi), the head of her department, is a pervert and Mr. Hyodo (Hatsunori Hasegawa), the president, couldn’t be any more apathetic about running the company. To make matters worse, Fujimaru (Yutaka Matsushige), the security guard and ex-sumo wrestler, has gone berserk and is murdering Akebono employees one by one. Now locked inside the building, Akiko, Hyodo, and a handful of survivors must find a way to escape before they too become human pretzels in Fujimaru’s hands.

Kiyoshi Kurosawa (Cure, Pulse) writes and directs The Guard from Underground, an odd slasher potboiler with a pinch of comedy and a fistful of bizarreness tossed in. The film’s pace is quite deliberate; building the tension very slowly breaking only for dry humor and unexpected moments of extreme violence. Logic is not a strong point here and the plot does not hold up to very much scrutiny. The swirling score is quite odd and has a circus-like feel to it. Gore effects are mostly decent but some of the bone shattering moments look awkward and unrealistic. Luckily, the kill scenes here rely on brutality and not special effects wizardry.

Makiko Kuno plays Akiko, the heroine of the story, who senses something is wrong in the office building long before anyone else. Kuno is a pretty good actress (and maybe it’s a problem with the script) but it’s difficult to get much of an impression of her character in the film. The frighteningly talented Ren Osugi (MPD Psycho, Uzumaki) is very funny as the eccentric and perverted middle manager, Mr. Kurume. In his first film role, Yutaka Matsushige (Ringu, One Missed Call) makes for an imposing killer through menacing behavior and coolly delivered lines. Hatsunori Hasegawa (Gamera: Gaurdian of the Universe) plays Mr. Hyodo, the one person who seems thoroughly disinterested in running the company, quite well.

While The Guard from Underground may not make a great deal of sense and the pace isn’t exactly lightning fast, the film is moody and twisted enough to hold the attention of horror fans looking for something strange. Although nowhere near as violent or wild as something like Evil Dead Trap, it’s still interesting to see the Japanese take on the slasher formula with the seemingly unstoppable killer (Fujimaru) and the final girl (Akiko). The bleak and claustrophobic feel of the film is a sure sign of things to come from Kurosawa who later caused more than a few theater seat soilings with Pulse.

Bad Girls from Mars

badgirlsfrommars

Bad Girls from Mars (1990)

Bad Girls from Mars is marketed as a sci-fi T&A spoof but in reality, it’s about the making of a sci-fi T&A spoof. A film crew making the titular (emphasis on the ‘tit’) film is beset with problems as each of their leading ladies dies under mysterious circumstances. TJ the director (played by Oliver Darrow) is at his wits’ end trying to get the production under control and it isn’t helped at all by the slimy producers and its awful leading man Richard Trent (John Richardson). Trent’s girlfriend and wardrobe girl, Myra (Brinke Stevens), offers to fill the role but the producers have someone else in mind already: Emanuelle Fortes (Edy Williams), ditzy blonde bombshell and queen of sex. Now the killer is after Emanuelle and is quite happy to leave a trail of corpses along the way to his prize.

Once I realized that this movie wasn’t a spoof but a spoof of a spoof, I kind of settled down a little bit. In fact, for the first 10 or 15 minutes, I was ready to bail on Bad Girls from Mars. Then Brinke Stevens shows up and I realized why I was there in the first place. Fred Olen Ray (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers), the American maestro of cheese, directs this kooky flick which references Ed Wood (repeatedly) and spoofs The Happy Hooker. Filled with continuity errors (intentional, I think), goofy sound effects, knee-slapping one liners, and insanely gratuitous nudity, Bad Girls from Mars is pretty darn entertaining.

Edy Williams (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) is pretty outrageous here as sex goddess Emanuelle. She looks a little worn out but her overdone breathiness just works. The best bit comes when Emanuelle goes to a convenience store to ask for help after she narrowly escapes the killer. She doesn’t notice that the place is in the middle of a stickup; hilarious hijinks ensue. Oliver Darrow (Teenage Exorcist) makes for a likeable guy who has that annoying problem of women throwing themselves at him. Aw, poor guy. And of course, we have Brinke Stevens of Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and Haunting Fear as Myra, the plucky wardrobe girl. One of the film’s strangest asides happens when, while the crew is filming a scene for the sci-fi movie, the camera suddenly pans to the left and we see Brinke in some lingerie smiling like a cat and cracking a whip. Then the camera pans back to the scene at hand. It’s weird, it’s pointless, and it’s genius.

Bad Girls from Mars definitely surprised me. I was expecting one thing that would not have been as good as what this turned out to be. Wait, what was that? If you don’t like corny jokes and a parade of silicone then stay far away from this flick. I went from thinking I would turn this off after 5 minutes to catching myself laughing out loud at some real zingers. If nothing else stick around for the climax when the heroes are only seconds away from rescuing the damsel in distress but decide to stop for burgers and pizza. It’s good for a larf, let me tells ya.

SPOILERS (and some trivia)

According to IMDB, Bad Girls from Mars was shot in 5 days. Hmm, I could see that. The site also says that Fred Olen Ray had to cut 8 minutes of material before the film could be released including a kiss between Brinke Stevens and Edy Williams. Hmm, moderately interesting. Okay, onto the spoiler stuff. So it turns out that Brinke Stevens is the killer. I was going to accuse this movie of not having enough Brinke in my review but then she gets a great speech at the end about her motives for killing people and chasing after Emanuelle. Next thing you know, she has a grenade in her mouth and all’s well that ends well.

“There’s no room on Mars for limp dicks!”